A homestay room in Bali. One of photos I could barely stand to look at.
Four years ago I was in the middle of a two month travel adventure – exploring Bali and Northern Thailand. It was the fulfillment of a long-held dream, to spend more than a couple of weeks in a foreign country. To go on a ‘journey’, not just a vacation.
And it WAS so much more than a vacation. It was and experience that changed my life… in ways I’m still discovering.
It awakened a realization that I wanted lots more long term travel in my life. Once back home, I resolved to figure out a way to make that happen.
And I set to work to put the wheels in motion.
But there was one problem:
I didn’t really believe I could do it. A part of me just didn’t think I was the sort of person that could experience that level of freedom and adventure.
Yet, I was determined. So I set about the task ‘making it happen,’ It felt a little like pressing my head to a giant boulder and trying to roll it up hill.
And guess what? Nothing worked.
Many events transpired in my personal life, and circumstances seemed to point to a big ‘No’ to my longings for more travel adventures. At least in the immediate future.
I had to ‘wait’.
Until I could figure out a way to make and save the money. Until my daughter graduated from college. Until my divorce was final. Until the sky opened up and rained down a plane ticket and all the supplies I needed.
And it weighed on me.
I couldn’t bear to look at my pictures from my sparkling adventure in Asia. I avoided reading the journal entries and all the funny stories I’d written about the mishaps and surprises I encountered. Every time I listened to a friend speak of an upcoming trip I felt like crying.
It was an exquisite form of self torture. To want something so damn much…. and tell myself I couldn’t have it.
And so… I surrendered. I turned my attention to other things. I dug deep into my own belief systems, engaged in numerous techniques to release old stuck patterns, became a life coach and learned that basically everything I ‘thought’ was incontrovertible ‘truth’ actually wasn’t.
But that’s another story.
My point is, there’s a big difference between the heaviness of “I have to wait until…”, or the head pushing the boulder up the hill… and the freedom of surrender.
It sounds a bit counter-intuitive, but ‘surrender’ was my own small step toward my dream. Because pushing that damn boulder with my forehead just wasn’t doing the trick!
Oh, I didn’t completely forget my travel dream. I just stopped feeding the pain about it.
And a funny thing happened.
No, the skies didn’t open up. But some time after I released that attachment, a chance encounter brought me an opportunity to live in Mexico for several months.
Now, this opportunity didn’t fit into my former idea of what I was trying to make happen. It wasn’t backpacking through Asia or Latin America for six months. It wasn’t any of the scenarios I’d envisioned.
But… from that place of surrender I immediately recognized that here in front of me was a realization of this dream. It just came dressed up in different clothes.
I’d stopped waiting, I’d dropped the painful story about “I don’t get to…”
And then my old dream knocked on my door and dropped straight into my lap!
And guess what? Those ‘different clothes’ have opened me up to even more vistas of opportunities and ideas for what is possible. I am growing, expanding and discovering new loves, new dreams, new possibilities.
I am so grateful that from this state of surrender I could access a knowing that was way deeper than my conscious, logical mind (which was busily listing all the reasons why this Mexico thing was NOT what I should do!)
So, here’s my question for you:
What dreams have YOU set aside until…?
Are you waiting to learn the Tango until you lose 20 pounds? Are you waiting to start that business until things slow down at work? Are you waiting to take that trip until the kids are grown?
And does that waiting, or that longing, feel like your guts clenching up?
If so – here’s two things:
1) Just. Stop. Waiting. Stop telling yourself a story that you can’t have. When you do this you create an energy field that pushes that thing you want further and further away!
2) Take that small step. Maybe for you, like me, it’s surrender for a time. One thing I know for sure is that if I’d surrendered a lot sooner, I would have reached this goal a lot sooner!
Or, perhaps for you that small step is one move in the direction of manifesting that vision. If that’s what feels right in your heart, then make a promise to yourself to take that one tiny step this week. But – make it TINY! Don’t bloody your forehead against the boulder like I did!
Time to stop waiting… and start living!
So – what’s your small step? Share in the comments or over on the Facebook Page and we can all support each other in dropping the ‘wait’ story.
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