Julie and I arrived home three nights ago after an amazing two weeks in Croatia (which I highly recommend for anyone looking for a beautiful place to go). I’m tired, I’ve had a miserable weekend because I caught a cold on the flight home but I’m also incredibly happy. The honeymoon showed me just how much I love her and how wonderful our life together will be. It also showed me how much I have changed as a person since my divorce. Anyone who tells you that people can’t change is a liar. People can’t be forced to change but they can definitely change if they want to and if they have enough motivation.
I’ve also noticed that there are more changes I want to make. I want to be healthier, more productive, friendlier, more outgoing, add a new hobby and a whole host of things that are still on my to do list. Some of these, like health, are even more important now that I’m married because I’m no longer responsible only for myself. Let me use health as an example (this is taken from a recent post on my fitness blog, 60 in 3)
A Few Observations About Marriage
First of all, my choices are no longer mine alone. In the past, if I wanted to eat poorly and not exercise that was my choice and the consequences were mine and mine alone. That’s no longer true. My health is now Julie’s concern as well, especially when we’re talking about kids and a future together. The consequences of my choices are hers as well as mine. This is difficult for some people to accept and I can see why. It’s not easy to take responsibility for another person, to be accountable for what they do and to allow your own actions to be dictated in part by them. In effect, it means I’ve abdicated some control of my body, my decisions and my choices to her, just as she’s done for me. That’s a lot to accept but I accept it willingly because it’s part of our commitment to one another.
Second, being married doesn’t just bring additional responsibility, it also brings additional motivation. During our honeymoon we went hiking, sailing, swimming and walking. It was wonderful and I’d like to continue doing that for many years to come. Furthermore, I want to be able to do all of these things with my kids as they grow up. I’m coming into this whole fatherhood thing a bit old (I’m 37) so it’s doubly important for me to keep healthy and in shape. I want to show my kids how to play ball, go hiking with them, pick them up and do all the things that my dad did with me. It’s going to be difficult to do that in my 40′s and 50′s if I don’t stay fit.
The Plan
So, in order to accomplish everything I want to accomplish I’ve set out a series of biweekly goals. Every two weeks I will have a different set of goals coupled with a different set of changes. The first of these changes has to do with health and there will be others that are also related to my fitness goals. However, those will be tracked separately on 60 in 3. Here at Equally Happy I plan on setting different kinds of goals, ones that aren’t related to my physical condition and more associated with my work, emotions, social connections and so on.
A Few Notes
- I’m tracking each of these goals in a spreadsheet to see how well I’m doing. I firmly believe that the act of measuring something, especially every day, makes you more accountable and helps you stick to a commitment. I will continue measuring these until I believe that they have become a lifelong habit and no longer need as much attention.
- Big thank you to Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project for inspiring the idea of periodic goals and measured tasks in her year long quest for happiness
