My Scientist and I have been married eight years this week gone but we won’t be doing anything till next weekend, as there’s too much going on right now, which I’ll tell you about later. I don’t fancy material over quality time together, so I’m hoping for time alone versus emphasis on exchanging gifts and cards. So as I don’t want him to prove his love with a card containing someone else’s verses, I’m happy with a nice toast to us over a few glasses of champagne.
Instead of boring you with lovey dovey words about my man and our love for each other, or how we met and fell in love and… Zzzzz! I prefer to tell you of the top five things that make my relationship work, just in case you feel yours could be going stale or you feel that you and your other half are slowly disconnecting. All marriages are different and each have their own recipes that were put together by different colourful ingredients, and each have ups and downs and unplanned situations.
However, at the end of the day, a loving couple dream of living together, forever and to infinity and beyond. We have that dream, too, my Scientist and I, and are working hard to achieve it. So what has kept us going? Here we go:
Don’t forget why you got together: Remember that moment when you knew? When you thought that you wanted to see this man more often than just on dates? When you got out of bed to go back to your world and felt you would much prefer to have both his and your toothbrushes sitting side by side for the rest of your life? When you started day dreaming about life together, and perhaps a couple of kids and a dog? Yeah? Do you remember why you felt this way? Now, do you remember the things about him that made you want to be with him forever? Feels good, right?
Remember the things you’ve been through and have survived together: Challenges are inevitable and we all know it. I think it’s the ways in which we have been supported by our partners that made a difference. If you are still together, I hope it means you are good support for each other. Knowing what you’ve done for each other and how you recovered together is motivation to be there next time when crisis hits again.
Take time out, pause and talk: With a busy life we can forget to talk about the things that bother us about one another or the other things in our lives that we don’t like. I’ve found that if the Scientist and I don’t raise issues early then the problem grows bigger and then it becomes complex and harder to solve. Also, if we don’t make the effort or time to talk then the other person assumes nothing is wrong or that we agree with how things are.
Be open to sudden change and willing to absorb changes into your plans: Making the most of the changes and turning negatives into positives can help drive a relationship down the right track. When we love someone, we shouldn’t blame them for changing their minds about things we thought they had made a concrete decision about. Of course we didn’t expect changes, and of course they said they wouldn’t change their minds, and it could take days or months to get over it but we must if we expect them to accept it when it’s our turn to change our minds about our interests.
Respect each other’s privacy and space: Not always wanting to be consulted with about every tiny bit of detail of his activities help build trust and also makes him respect our privacy as well. In addition, if opportunities pop up out of the blue for you to be away from your partner, I say grab it, run for it, and say ‘Fark Yeah!’ Even if it’s just a night spent at a girls’ retreat, your mum’s house or a day out with yourself. Time away can give some peace and quiet so you don’t keep driving each other nuts!
Regroup, don’t lose sight of each other: No matter how many issues and fights, remember to hold your loved ones close and cherish them. Don’t lose sight of what you have and don’t let your spaces and independence keep you away from one another, so much so you forget which way home is. Don’t forget to tell them you love them and show them that you care.
And so that’s my top five tips that I hope make you think about what you’ve got and how to keep it strong. All you can do really is know where you want to be, who with and just put into it what you want out of it. Don’t let things slip away… you don’t know what you’ve got till you lose it!
Instead of dreaming about the stars and moons that you can’t have, focus on the now and what you’ve got.
Any marriage or relationship tips you’d like to share?
