Love & Sex Magazine

We’re Different by Design

By Barbarajpeters @CouplesAuthor

Just an observation of mine – it seems many women hang onto bad relationships far longer than they should.  The question isn’t necessarily why they hang on, but instead should be what got them into the relationship in the first place, especially if a history of bad relationships is suffocating the very lives of these women.

Do women get blinded by good looks, charm, money, or a heady sense of adventure when they first meet a guy who interests them?  Do they assume the guy has the same set of values, goals, hopes and dreams they have? Worst of all – do they expect to change the hapless guy to fit the life they have in mind for him?

We’re Different by DesignWhile most women are attracted first by looks, wit or charm, those qualities can wear thin fast if substance is missing. This doesn’t mean the “substance” the woman wants to find. No, it means the actual core substance of the man himself.  Women looking for relationships should ask – who is this man, what is he made of, and how could he complete me? It’s not selfish to ask these questions; it’s realistic.

Imagine how you would feel if your partner tried to change your personality and behavioral quirks simply because he thought you should be different than what or who you are. You’d probably be quite offended, yet many women feel they have the right to change the guy they fell in love with, even on a superficial basis.

Some men try to change the women in their lives too, but that’s another story.

“Try, try, and try again” seems to be the mantra of many women who are “changers of men.”  There are countless jokes about this very common happening, and for good reason.  There appears to be a flow of eternal optimism that changing a partner can and will happen if we can just find the right way to do it. Chronic changers cry, “Never give up!”

Pushing your energy into changing another person is a waste of time and effort. You can’t change anyone other than yourself. Perhaps you might spend your energy changing your responses to your partner by knowing him better rather than trying to change him to fit your expectations.

Women who have one disastrous relationship after another usually haven’t taken the time to know, develop and love themselves.  They are expecting another person to complete them, which just won’t happen.  That’s the ultimate fairy tale.

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