We are our children’s mentors. It is, therefore, our responsibility to show them the way with respect to values, boundaries, expectations, and life challenges. Not to mention relationships, too. What we do becomes what they do – a serious responsibility for sure!
It is when our children are young and impressionable we get to make our greatest contributions to their lives. As their first role models we get to pass on the good and bad. Welcome to Reality 101!
I’d like to share a memorable story to illustrate how children see through their lens. The other day I was having dinner at my daughter’s house. Her husband was the cook and had 
prepared a nice meal for us all. As he was bringing our plates to the table, I noticed that my daughter’s plate looked different from the rest. She didn’t have a baked potato like the rest of us. Inquisitive as I am, I asked why she didn’t get one also. Her husband said “it wasn’t on her diet.”
In less than a minute, their 5 year old piped up, “But ‘wine’ is on mommy’s diet!” It took all I could do to keep from laughing! This is a prime example of how impressionable and observant children are.
But it’s not always a laughing matter. If you and your spouse yell, scream and argue frequently, you can expect that to become learned behavior. If you smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol, you can expect that your teenage son or daughter will think it’s cool and opt to try the same. Don’t be fooled by the statement that it is good for you and not for them. They’re not fooled by that statement either. They’re far too smart for that (after all, you raised them!). I have to be honest: They’re apt to try anything you do, because you have set an example of it.
On the bright side , what is learned can be unlearned. There is time to show them that you want to change your behavior. And that is one of the best lessons you can give them as they become adults.
For example, if you have a drinking problem, they can see you going to AA meetings and not drinking anymore. They can see you making positive change and being pro-active in your recovery. They can see the benefits of your new behavior as well as the challenges you face in working your program. These are invaluable lessons. Showing them you made a mistake and have owned up to it is a life lesson they won’t forget.
Most families have challenges and struggles. But those challenges and struggles are valuable real life lessons for those who can see them.
Showing your children reality by empowering them to work through life’s challenges can be the best lesson you will teach them and one they will remember long after they leave the “nest.”
