I relished those first few years in the executive suite. Confident. Bold. That’s the image I wanted to project.
But soon enough, the glimmer wore off, and I was faced with the daunting realization that everyone expected me to make some tough decisions, and to get them right.
Owning that took some getting used to.
When it came time to actually make those big decisions, I would frequently have second thoughts. “Do you really know what you are doing?” That’s what I would ask myself on the way home from work, or waking up at night in a cold sweat. “Who do you think you are? I’ll tell you who you are, you are a big loser trying to fake everyone out with your all your fancy business plans. They are on to you, boy!”
Those same thoughts crossed my mind as I drove past the construction site of an enormously expensive project that I had recently launched – a project I had wrestled with for three years before convincing the Board that it would provide a superior return for the investors.
But sitting in my car watching the steel going up, I suddenly felt a lump in my stomach. “Dear Lord in heaven, what have I done?” I gripped the steering wheel with white-knuckles as the friendly construction workers smiled and waved at me.
In moments like this, it helps to step back, to gain some perspective. I often turn to my journal writing, and let it all out in a flurry of pleas to God, followed by a good deal of man-to-man straight-talk. It calms me down.
A few months later, I’ll read those escalating crazy-man thoughts, and chuckle. “Ha Ha, wasn’t that funny how I got so worked up over that little thing! Oh, Ye of Little Faith! Sheesh!”
In hindsight, it is obvious that any dummy could have seen God was present. Everything worked out just fine, even though it was a little touch and go for a while.
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