Yesterday I cried all day. If I wasn't crying visibly, I was crying internally.
I cried for dreams found and then lost and plans redirected. I cried for all of us third culture kids and our wonderful, complicated, joy and grief filled lives. I cried for missed opportunities and wasted time.
I cried because starting over is hard, hard work and - like many of you - I have done it many, many times. Sometimes because of my own decisions, other times because of the decisions of others.
I cried about the many idols in my life, and the surgical pain of letting them go. Idols, after all, do serve some purpose otherwise why would we hold on to them for so long?
Most of all, I cried because sometimes the world feels more broken then it feels whole, and though there are so many that work in the broken, fractured places, repairing and healing in the hidden spaces, there are just days when the broken feels bigger and harder.
My monologue and the internal tears continued for what felt like a long time.
Today I woke up to a room where light moved in beautiful shifting patterns, the sun reflecting off whatever it found. I woke to coffee and sunflowers. I woke to hope.
There will be more days like yesterday. Watching dreams die is a slow, painful process. Self evaluation and revelation are not easy. Starting over holds both pain and possibility. But today the monologue became a dialogue - a dialogue of hope and comfort.
In recent weeks I have discovered a poet named Tanner Olson. His words have become a beautiful comfort to me - I hope they will also be a comfort to you.
Note: This post was written last week during a hard week of decision making. More to come on what's ahead! There is hope and there is peace.
