As you know, Tuesdays are typically meant to be topless…at least in my habitat. But this particular Tuesday is different. Why you ask? It’s the most dreaded time of year…Valentine’s Day. Dum, dum, dum.
I usually celebrate this holiday by playing bitter songs and heckling couples out my window. That hasn’t gone so well in the past, so I have decided to pour my bitterness onto my blog!
I thought the best way to effectively convey my bitterness was through song. Below are my personal favorite breakup/non demeaning to women songs that are perfect for all those lovers out there.
5. ‘Stronger’ – Britney Spears
Back in the day, Britney seemed more positive about love, but things change. After experiencing the most crushing breakup in the history of breakups and two marriages, Britney has been a card-carrying member of the bitter club. Out of the many songs my spiritual goddess has recorded, “Stronger” seems like the best jam to put on the Bitter Club soundtrack.
What I have learned from this jam: When you finally break up with that loser, you become stronger than yesterday and can bust out a sweet chair dance.
4. ‘Breakin’ Dishes’ – Rihanna
This song is epic for several reasons: I can get my dance on, I now know if my man is out until 3:30 a.m. I am legally allowed to break his dishes and burn his clothing and I don’t have to stop until I see police lights.
Rihanna – Thank you for this instruction manual.
3. ‘Never Again’ – Kelly Clarkson
What is a bitter countdown without the president of the bitter club…Miss Kelly Clarkson. I think one line in this song can sum it up better than I ever could: “I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green.” O0o0o burn.
What I have learned from Kelly over the years is that bitterness is like a baby, it grows with age.
2. ‘Bye Bye Bye’ – N’Sync
Since it’s only fair I give my male fans a jam to jam out to, I have chosen an oldie but a goodie. Yes, I’m bringing it all the way back to when Justin Timberlake had the fro…his best days <3
Hopefully, Justin will take his own advice and say bye, bye, bye to Jessica Biel…oops, can’t say that.
1. ‘Independent Women’ – Destiny’s Child
This song provides us ladies a very important lesson. If you can’t figure it out after watching the video…I’m afraid all hope is lost for you.
Happy Valentine’s Day…Take that Cupid.
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