Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Part Three: Fuzzwald Rears His Striped Head; Or Hey! It's Hard to Tell a Story i...

  I sip carefully at my gin and tonic. Drinking with a cat is no small matter. The last time I failed to take this into consideration I found myself singing... Read more

  Posted on 28 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Two: What the Woman and The Cat at the Next Table Are Talking About: Or I...

  By the time I get to Psycho Suzi’s, the cat is half-way through her second drink. “Pearl!” she bawls. I smile. Pink-faced and sweating under the hooded... Read more

  Posted on 27 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part One: It's Not Commonly Known, But Cats Are Excellent Cooks

  Oh, you're in for it now. A multi-parter from 2012, when I lived on my own and drinking/socializing with the cat was a thing... Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I... Read more

  Posted on 26 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Importance of Honoring One’s Heritage

  

  As so many stories do, it started with a pickled sausage. “We should pull over,” Karen says. “What do you mean,” I say, channeling our father. “We’re making goo... Read more

  Posted on 25 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Grunting Makes It Easier

  I was hoisting my body out of a chair the other day… UH! You know how it is. You’re terribly tired, your muscles grumbling about how you don’t take them out... Read more

  Posted on 24 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• And Now A Word from the Swamp Heifer Advisory Board

  While I have limited first-hand knowledge of the men’s facilities (the old Stasiu’s in my neighborhood has an art deco marble urinal from the ‘20s that is... Read more

  Posted on 21 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Bus Lessons: Despite What You May Have Been Told, You're Not All That Special

  The woman in front of me is becoming more irritated by the moment, the very pitch of her head giving off cartoon stink-lines of frustration. Read more

  Posted on 19 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The View from the Bus

  It is 6:47 on a Tuesday morning. You can imagine my excitement. It’s true I made it through Monday with minimal trauma, but when you wake up on a Tuesday mornin... Read more

  Posted on 18 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Monday Morning: Or My Bus is Bigger Than Your Bus

  Six-thirty-something a.m. Minneapolis is a cold, dark place, a place where, 150 years or so ago, a band of dour Norwegian bachelor farmers stopped their oxen,... Read more

  Posted on 17 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Hold On. I'll Just Need to Take My Shoes Off for a Moment...

  The last year or so has been a challenge at work that I have not only sullenly risen to meet but one in whose eye I have regularly spit. How’s that for awkward? Read more

  Posted on 14 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Support the Left, Though I'm Leaning to the Right, with Apologies to Cream*

  If you’re coming downtown, bring a sharp stick with you. The skyways, a second-floor Habitrail-like system linking buildings together and designed to keep... Read more

  Posted on 13 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Squeakers Will Cripple You Now

  From 2009, whilst I prepare for a public reading tonight. The venue holds five, I believe, and so I shall be forced to read while sitting sitting on someone's... Read more

  Posted on 12 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Like to Get It Out of the Way, Early-Like

  I wouldn’t say I fall down a lot, but I will say that I've found myself suddenly several feet lower than expected more than once. Read more

  Posted on 11 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Do You Think I Over-Reacted?

  From 2008... Enjoy! People – no, I can’t say who, just people – think that Minnesotans are passive-aggressive. I don’t think of us that way. I prefer to think o... Read more

  Posted on 07 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• And We Have Great Britain on Line One

  So I was sitting at work the other day, simultaneously arranging for travel, formatting a document I had moved from Word to Excel, and knitting myself an... Read more

  Posted on 06 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• What I've Learned; Or Bartender? Another One for My Friend Here.

  “I feel like I’m having a hard day.” “You feel like you’re having a hard day? Or you are having a hard day?” “I are having a hard day.” “Well just how hard a da... Read more

  Posted on 05 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Preparedness is Our First Line of Action

  I have several events/gatherings to attend in the next few days, and before I settle into serious party mode, I need to set some things straight. I can trust yo... Read more

  Posted on 04 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein Pearl is Briefly Peeved; Or Excuse Me, But You’re in My Space

  It’s all I can do to disguise my annoyance. The bus is packed, truly packed, in a way that it rarely is. The seats are filled, the aisle is occupied, the space... Read more

  Posted on 03 November 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Philadelphia Story; Or The Scariest Story I Have

  Philadelphia, PA. Why not go? A couple days, just as a lark, just me and Willie. Eleven years ago it was. We ate a Philly cheesesteak, got drunk one afternoon... Read more

  Posted on 31 October 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• We Were One Number Away from Hazelden

  This time of year makes me think of this night. Reposted from last October... I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of my father talking. “No, no,”... Read more

  Posted on 30 October 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION