Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Actually, the Postman Didn't Ring at All

  The recent arrival of a large number of packages, all in plain brown wrappers, has the mark of Liza Bean Bitey’s fine paw all over it.“What is Zurich Exports? Read more

  Posted on 10 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Stick THAT in Your Funk and Wagnalls

  As a lover of words of all sizes, levels of subtlety, and countries of origin, I’d like to speak to you on behalf of the Citizens for Creativity in Cursing.I’m ... Read more

  Posted on 09 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Have You Considered Having Them Removed?

  I like to kid about past cases of calling in to work “with an eye problem” – which, of course, meant that I couldn’t see myself going to work that day – but... Read more

  Posted on 08 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• What The Cool Kids Are Keeping in Their Basements These Days

  Both hands in wrist-stabilizers, I am next to useless. You've no idea how badly I want to write, but the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome will not allow. Please send... Read more

  Posted on 07 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Careful Around the Punch Bowl, There, Karl

  Like all right-thinking citizens of the mostly-modern world, I’m on Facebook.I got tired of people saying things like “didn’t you get the update?” or “oh, we... Read more

  Posted on 06 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Don't Know Who That Is, But Maybe You Do

  A re-post, my friends, while Your Favorite Two-Legged Pearl (surely there are no other "Pearls" in your life?!) works on her latest chapbook..I have 48 pages... Read more

  Posted on 05 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• You Muddah Mus' Be Beh-yee Boodeefo

  A re-post, while I battle -- through inertia! -- Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Enjoy!My sister is beautiful.You can imagine how this has gotten on my nerves over the... Read more

  Posted on 04 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Just Bring It By and I'll Sign for It

  As a former PDG (Pizza Delivery Gal) and current patron of many fine and not-so-fine food-delivering establishments, can I just point out what a great idea othe... Read more

  Posted on 03 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• So A Bear Walks Into A Party...

  And now, as previously alluded to, the story of Mary and the bear.“I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she says.“Rahr?”“Sorry,” Mary says. “It’s nothing... Read more

  Posted on 02 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I'm Going Through An Awkward Stage

  A repost from 2010, while my wrists heal.And in other news, Minneapolis is expecting snow. Snow in May. Today and tomorrow.Sigh. Read more

  Posted on 01 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Purpose-Driven Life; Or It Really Wasn't A Spider

  Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. That's what I have. In both wrists. Please enjoy this post from a little over one year ago today while I keep my traitorous little wrist... Read more

  Posted on 30 April 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part IV and Finale: D Gee Squeaking Takes the Stage

  It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim light.Located in a building at the heart of the Warehouse District in Minneapolis’s North Loop, The Nip and... Read more

  Posted on 29 April 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part III: Wherein the Cat Plot Thickens

  Have you read Parts I and II? Go back to yesterday, and the day before that. Go on! We’ll wait…I arrive at Psycho Suzi’s less than an hour later.By that time,... Read more

  Posted on 28 April 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part II: Do You Mind If I Leave Work Early? My Cat’s on a Bender.

  Part I was yesterday. Haven't read it? Go ahead! We'll wait right here...“Good morning, Acme Grommets and Gravel, a Global Overseer Company, Pearlspeaking, can ... Read more

  Posted on 27 April 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Probably Should’ve Just Gone Back to Sleep; Or Liza Bean Bitey is Going to Nee...

  The alarm clock, an appliance long known for its ill-considered promises of refreshing “snoozes”, glows at me, blandly, from the night stand next to the bed. Read more

  Posted on 26 April 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Wouldn’t Know Anything About That, Mum

  Black-pantsed and white-shirted, starched within a hair’s breadth of “entirely presentable”, I stand just off to one side of the dining room table. Read more

  Posted on 25 April 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• In Maryna’s Bedroom; Or And Then We Split Another Bottle of Wine

  

  Maryna very much wants to give me some of her jewelry.“You like? Peek. You peek what speak to you.”I look into Maryna’s jewelry box, a pirate’s treasure of... Read more

  Posted on 24 April 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Snorting Bleach and Grunting with Vigor, Or Mary and Pearl Make an Honest Living

  Mary and I cleaned yesterday afternoon, a small, floor-dirty, disorganized kinda place also known as my very own home. Whilst I recover from that, please enjoy ... Read more

  Posted on 23 April 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• BOOM! WHOOSH!; Or I Wonder If That Garage is Heated

  You know, like so many people, I used to wonder – sometimes aloud! – about what may or may not happen next. As you can imagine, this made me quite a favorite... Read more

  Posted on 21 April 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• He's Just Jealous He Doesn't Get to Wear Boots Anymore

  

  T has been talking about his tan lines.You remember T, don’t you? The man who developed a lawn fixation, a man who suspects his socks of sedition, the man who... Read more

  Posted on 20 April 2013 SELF EXPRESSION