Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Do It Yourself? No. Sometimes, No.

  I read an article the other day about shifts in spending habits. Apparently there are some people in the U.S., even those with substantial holdings, who have cu... Read more

  Posted on 01 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• If I Have One Mousie, and You Have One Mousie...

  You know Liza Bean, don’t you? Small-pawed and sharp-eyed, Liza Bean came to me by way of my mother.“Next time you come up,” my mother had said, “I’ve got a... Read more

  Posted on 31 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• May I Lick Your Plate, Sir?

  We are standing behind the buffet table.We've a job to do, dagnabit. It is 7:30 on a Friday night, and we are working a wedding rehearsal dinner in the... Read more

  Posted on 30 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Wee Ode to a Dental Provider, Or What? No Gas This Time?

  I sometimes watch their eyes.There’s so little else to look at.Why is that?I raise a hand, and she removes the plaque-picker – I believe that’s the technical... Read more

  Posted on 29 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Remembering to Forget. Dammit.

  I’ve something to confess: I am concentrating on forgetting to smoke.Have you ever seen me quit smoking? I am, as the old joke goes, so good at it that I do it... Read more

  Posted on 28 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• And Now, for the Sports. Will?

  Whilst my wrists are healing, a post from 2011, a kinder, gentler time in which I ponder the many cures for insomnia...Weather, as many of you know, is a... Read more

  Posted on 27 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein the Number 10 Smells of Skunk...

  I had occasion to ride the Number 10 the other day.And right there, I think you can tell where this is heading, can’t you?My free-range love for human beings... Read more

  Posted on 26 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Stephanie, the Tattoo-Faced Woman, Underestimated How Her Look Would Affect Her...

  Have you met Stephanie?Stephanie lives in my neighborhood. She is the subject of much discussion and many e-mails, some of which come from the police; a... Read more

  Posted on 25 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wisconsin: More Than Cheese

  I’ve lived in a number of small towns in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and I’m here to tell ya: The rumors are true.Particularly in Wisconsin, where jauntily clad... Read more

  Posted on 24 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Keyboard-Crested Number Monkey; Or Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to...

  I was sitting at work the other day when it occurred to me how horribly futile my work life has become.You can imagine my surprise. Read more

  Posted on 23 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• We Have Buck Owens on Line One

  

  When I got on the bus this morning there was something new to consider.See him up there? The guy at the front? He’s got a new cap, bless his heart, and he... Read more

  Posted on 22 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Tell Me About The Scrumpy

  “Tell me about the scrumpy, Vin.”Vin takes a smiling drag from his cigarette, squints at me through the exhale. The night is warm and dark, and the party is at... Read more

  Posted on 21 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Stories Told Whilst Drinking

  Connectivity issues brought the whole lousy thing to a halt this weekend. Please enjoy this recollection from Vin while I catch up...It’s Saturday night, a... Read more

  Posted on 20 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Bus Route Groupies: All the Kids Are Doing It

  It is an inexplicably light bus day, one of those days where you look around, note that more than half of the usual commuters are missing and frown slightly.... Read more

  Posted on 17 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part V and Finale: My But That’s a Nice Collar You Have There, Liza Bean, Or...

  Welcome to the final installment of my latest foray into the seedy, underhanded world of Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys). Read more

  Posted on 16 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part IV: Answer the Phone at Your Peril

  It appears that I've gone off on a tangent. Parts III, II, and I are on preceding days. Go ahead. Read 'em. I'll just run along and see if there are any snacks... Read more

  Posted on 15 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part III: When I Think Baseball, I Rarely Think Cats

  I’m confused. “Where are you going now?”I am sitting on the hamper while Liza Bean prepares for what appears to be a date.She peers into the mirror, adjusts wha... Read more

  Posted on 14 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part II: Liza! PHONE!!! Or The Cat Gets More Calls Than I Do

  “Liza! Phone!”Austerity measures have reduced Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, to using the landline. The cat, a small, symmetrically striped animal... Read more

  Posted on 13 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• You Hear That?

  I learned to listen to music, growing up, through my father’s weekend ministrations.The man was in love with the stereo.A connoisseur of swing music in... Read more

  Posted on 12 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• We'll Let This One Slide Because You're Clearly Still Wet Behind the Ears

  Another -- sigh -- repost. While my wrists are getting much better, I'm going to give it a few more days. Until then, I hope you enjoy this post from almost... Read more

  Posted on 11 May 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION