Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Go Jump in the River

  T shouldn’t have even brought it up, but it was too late now, he could see that.In his mind’s eye, Kevin was already jumping.Kevin pulled over and put it in... Read more

  Posted on 25 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein I Reach for the Remote in Self Defense

  I suspect I’m more than a bit hormonal.One suspects this about one’s self when television commercials create a knot in your throat. Read more

  Posted on 24 June 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Three: Wherein Our Cat Abuses the Clueless

  Part Three of Three. Haven't read One and Two? Oh, but you must! Go back to Friday's post. We'll wait for you...Liza Bean, having squeezed four limes into her... Read more

  Posted on 23 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Two: Two Drinks Into Liza Bean's Story

  You didn't miss yesterday's post, part one, did you? Oh, go back. You'll enjoy it. And I'll wait right here...I down the last of my drink just as the next... Read more

  Posted on 22 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part One: Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, Once Drove a Cab, You Know

  My wrists are killing me.A repost, if you don't mind. In several parts.By the time I arrive at Psycho Suzi's, Liza Bean is two gin and tonics in.The evening is... Read more

  Posted on 21 June 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Early Morning, Post-Snowfall, Minneapolis

  A note, from deep within the “ideas” book that I carry. While the note is only two months old, it was a whole ‘nother season, a time when the outside doubled... Read more

  Posted on 20 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Battle of the Plastic Wraps; Or Because Everyone Knows You Use the Crappy...

  A small, relatively bloodless skirmish is about to go down at my house. And it will be hermetically sealed.Welcome, my friends, to the plastic-wrap wars.“You... Read more

  Posted on 19 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• But What's He WANT?

  I must admit that I’ve become concerned.It is 6:52. I am moments, and blocks, from the beginning of a new work week, a fact that is not lost on my iPod, which... Read more

  Posted on 18 June 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Call Me When You Get Her to the Car; Or What's a Small Felony Between Friends?

  I check the clock next to the bed: 12:40. I consider, reconsider, then answer the phone anyway.“Hello?”“You haffa come up here.”“What?”“Come up here. I need... Read more

  Posted on 17 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Pump It Twice. Let It Up. Push It to the Floor.

  Yesterday was my father-in-law's funeral, and I had no time to write; and while there is much to say about memorials and funeral services, I'm not sure that I... Read more

  Posted on 16 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Traitorous Nature of Trousers

  “My life is a travesty,” I moan. “What’s that now?”“My life. It’s a hollow, meaningless farce marked by intermittent, brief glimmers of hope.”“Yikes,” Mary says... Read more

  Posted on 14 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• More Bus Action; Or, I May Never Buy Another Car

  I can hear her, over my iPod.“Does this go all the way to Northtown?”I’ve written this in lower case, but the reader should not take that to mean the question... Read more

  Posted on 13 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Did I Ever Tell You Kids About My First Job?

  My father, as perhaps has already been mentioned, was a salesman, and a good one at that. He had a talent for conversation, for appealing to the common... Read more

  Posted on 12 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Action on the Bus on a Friday Afternoon

  It’s been a quiet day.That changes with her arrival on the bus.Sit here, next to me, won’t you? Because she looks like the kind of woman who will be... Read more

  Posted on 11 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein Catnip – and Love – is Delivered to My Front Door

  I walk into the living room, slow down, back up.There’s something different about the cat…“You look different,” I say.Symetrically striped, delightfully tiny,... Read more

  Posted on 10 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Little Time Off...

  Rather than re-posting, I'm taking some time off while I take inventory of what is important in life...Couple days oughta be enough, right? Read more

  Posted on 07 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• My Friends. They Love Me.

  I apologize for not posting yesterday. Willie's father died late Monday night, and the house is in turmoil. Until things settle down, please accept this repost... Read more

  Posted on 06 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• One Finds It Difficult to Find Good Help These Days

  I got the call.And what do we do when we get the call?We get Mary on the phone.“Mary!” I shout.She likes when I shout into the phone, especially early on a... Read more

  Posted on 04 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• If You Need Me, I'll Be in the Breakroom, Mainlining Coffee

  Ping!Where did we last leave this?I sigh. There are some people that make full-time work a chore. This woman is one of them.I stare at the e-mail. Read more

  Posted on 03 June 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• In Defense of the Land Line

  I stand in the center of the living room, rotate clockwise, then counterclockwise, briefly consider the nearly obsolete term “clockwise” and quickly dismiss it. Read more

  Posted on 02 June 2013 SELF EXPRESSION