Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Holy Moley, My House is SPOTLESS

  I spent some time in an easy chair this last weekend. Held down by a five-pound cat, there was nothing I could do but clutch the remote. Read more

  Posted on 06 August 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I'll Be Awake by Noon -- Talk to Me Then

  “Did you have a good weekend? You all ready for work?”Well, no. As a matter of fact, I’m not.I would love to tell you that I am. Ready for work, that is. But th... Read more

  Posted on 05 August 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein the Court Reporter is Used to Beat the Defendants About the Heads and...

  A number of years ago, I worked as a court reporter in central Wisconsin.My second case gone to trial centers around allegations of animal abuse. Photos of... Read more

  Posted on 04 August 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Why Hello There, Comrade

  I used to hang out with Russians.Growing up, I had an impression of Russians gleaned entirely from the news strips shown in Social Studies during the 70s,... Read more

  Posted on 03 August 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein Pearl Gets Adjusted; Or I'm Back, I'm Nationwide

  After two months of splints, anti-inflammatories, margaritas and a promise made by a man on the bus to come over and “take care” of me, I can once again use my... Read more

  Posted on 02 August 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Moment with Mary and Pearl; Or On Not Being Helen Bloody Mirren

  Ring. Ring-ring.“Whaddaya want?” Mary sounds delightfully wary for this early in the morning. I shift the phone from one ear to another gleefully. “I just wante... Read more

  Posted on 01 August 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• What Is Hip? Tell Me, Tell Me, If You Think You Know

  I see myself as a pretty hip chick.For cryin’ out loud, look at all the evidence I have!: Creedence Clearwater 8-tracks, embroidered bell bottoms, one of those... Read more

  Posted on 31 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Fish Heads, Fish Heads, Roly Poly Fish Heads; Or Whatever It Was, I'll Bet It Wa...

  Wheeeeee doggie!Let me just say here, as a lover of food, a person who could be defined, as my mother sometimes defined me, as “a good little eater”, that I... Read more

  Posted on 30 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Hey! Look! The Floor is Clean!

  I am two, maybe three days away from being able to type long enough to write again. I am immeasurably chuffed -- and, apparently, bilingual.Mary will be at my... Read more

  Posted on 29 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• No, No, No, You Can't Talk Me Out of It

  From 2010, a time when I felt I had to make a stand re: the charcoal grill...I’m thinking we grill for dinner tonight.I don’t even really care what it is:... Read more

  Posted on 28 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The View from the Porch; Or Dogs and Cats Play Differently

  It is early evening, and the man in the park is throwing a Frisbee to his dog.In true Minnesota fashion, the temperature has dropped a crisp 20 degrees; and... Read more

  Posted on 27 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Beaten Down by the Heat

  While Minneapolis neared 100 degrees for several days two weeks ago, we've dropped into very comfortable temps recently. This re-post, while I heal from... Read more

  Posted on 26 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Have You Always Looked That Hot?

  It was the dead of winter, and yet the woman standing in front of me in the grocery store check-out line had taken off her coat. Moments later, she removed the... Read more

  Posted on 25 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Sometimes I Sits and Thinks, and Sometimes I Just Sits

  A repeat from the winter of 2011, while my wrists heal. Frankly, I'm bored, not writing; and while my notebook is full of ideas, I cannot yet write them...So... Read more

  Posted on 24 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Maybe I'll Just Keep Wearing Skirts

  “Acme Grommets and Napkin Dispensers, Pearl speaking.”“Yes, I’d like to order four grommets and a napkin dispenser, please.”“Who gave you this number?”Mary... Read more

  Posted on 23 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Have You Considered Picking Up a Lovely Bit of String for This Evening?

  Yet another repost as my tendinitis -- in both hands! -- continues to heal. Please send beer and Indian food -- and enjoy this rerun from February of last year. Read more

  Posted on 22 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein I Channel Love Through Ground Beef

  I made meatballs the other day.The meatball recipe came to me from my father, a man well known for colorful description. The words “add 17 peas” or “stir in... Read more

  Posted on 21 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Purpose-Driven Life; Or Mary Really DOES Have All the Answers

  “I need your help,” I say.“Mmmm,” she muses. “And so the tables turn and now I am the master.” I hear her close her eyes, rub the tips of her little fingers... Read more

  Posted on 19 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• You Think I Won't Punch You? Is That What You're Thinking?

  I’ve never been a pacifist.But I’ve known a couple.Interesting breed, the true pacifist: they truly believe that things can be talked through; and while I... Read more

  Posted on 18 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• At the Sound of the Tone, It Will Be Time to Run, Screaming, Into the Streets

  I’ve been trying to send a fax most of the day; and like someone dragging a vacuum over the same stretch of uncooperative string on the carpet convinced that,... Read more

  Posted on 17 July 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION