Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• The Second Time I Almost Died

  Got a minute? Let's all have a seat, dim the lights, crack open a cold one, and listen to your Aunt Pearl tell the story she likes to call The Second Time I... Read more

  Posted on 29 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Cow Patty Bingo; Or A Possible Sign of a Gambling Problem

  I didn't post Saturday or Sunday -- the first such occurrence in five and-a-half years. My apologies, if you came here looking for me. Frankly, I'm having a har... Read more

  Posted on 28 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Shadow on the Couch, Or Scary Story Number One

  Scary Story Number One in the countdown to Halloween. A re-post -- oooh! scary! -- only because hey, just how many scary stories do you think I have, anyway? Read more

  Posted on 25 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• … And to My Daughter, I Bequeath My Collection of Vintage Soap Slivers; Or I...

  Both my mother and my grandmother loved the chicken neck.“Ooooh,” grandma said. “You’ll see. You’ll learn to love it.”“It sits in the juices,” mother said. “It... Read more

  Posted on 24 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• We Were One Number Away from Hazelden

  I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of my father talking. “No, no,” he says. “You’re doing the right thing.”I rise from bed, pad down the long... Read more

  Posted on 23 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Well That’s One Way of Keeping Warm

  The sun, having heard, perhaps, that Minneapolis has cast furtive glances at its Tupperware-ed stockpile of cozy sweaters and corduroy pants, has cooled in her... Read more

  Posted on 22 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Puff, The Magic Drawer

  What? Well, sure you can sit there. Sit anywhere you like, just don’t open that drawer.I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re going to open that drawer now,... Read more

  Posted on 21 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Is That A Goat at the Back of My Closet?

  The closet is revolting - and I don’t mean that it’s risen up and started to demand representation in the American Federation of Duplexes and Second Story Room... Read more

  Posted on 20 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Have You Seen Mary's Appliances?

  Ring! Ring!“Good mor – Good afternoon, Acme Grommets and Gravel. Pearl speaking.”“I’m like a rich person over here,” Mary says.“You buyin’ the name-brand tuna... Read more

  Posted on 19 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Bus Stop: Nicollet and 24th; Or No, How YOU Doin’?

  

  I am waiting for the bus.Bright fall evening, corner of Nicollet and 24th. McDonald’s is at my back; the lights on Nicollet are a stone’s throw in front of me. Read more

  Posted on 18 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Believe the Children Are Our Future; Or I Was Completely Sincere and Utterly...

  You asked for it, and now yer gonna git it: the speech, more or less, that I delivered to a Metro State University Creative Writing Class Tuesday night. I... Read more

  Posted on 17 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• And If It DOESN’T Work Out, Well, Then I’ve Got Another Blog Post

  It’s quite possible that I will skip the bean burrito I had planned for dinner.And I’ve thrown out the kale salad I had made for lunch.I rifle through my... Read more

  Posted on 16 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Four and Finale: Fuzzwald Gets His Wish; Or Happy Birthday, Liza Bean

  When a kitty’s eighth birthday comes around, one is obligated to attend the party, even if doing so may require that you call in to work with eye problems the... Read more

  Posted on 15 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Three: Liza Bean Appears to Be Maturing; Or Waitress? Another G & T, Please

  When a kitty’s eighth birthday comes around, one is obligated to attend the party, even if doing so may require that you call in to work with eye problems the... Read more

  Posted on 14 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Well, I Can See I'm Going to Have to Take Back a Lot of What I've Said...

  I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when the subject of the state of our bodies came up.Having known each other since shortly after high... Read more

  Posted on 13 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Well, Sure. I Know What It LOOKS Like...

  As has been well documented by, well, me, I played in an Old Tyme Band (yes, the “y” is necessary, but no one knows why) in high school. Read more

  Posted on 12 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Two: Thank Heavens We Reserved a Room; Or Hey! Is That Liza’s Old Boyfriend?

  “Party of – um – thirty?”I grin sheepishly at the hostess. It is rare that I travel with 29 cats, but when I do, I grin sheepishly.She scrutinizes the array of... Read more

  Posted on 11 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Our Little Liza Bean is Growing Up; Or The Bail Money’s in the Flour Jar

  Once again, the money I’ve been saving to remodel the bathroom will have to be used for reparations.These things happen when a kitty turns eight. Read more

  Posted on 10 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• And Don’t Forget to Tune in Tomorrow When Pearl Makes Pithy Observations Re:...

  Just like that, and in a fashion true to Minnesota and her inconsistencies, the weather has made me a liar.I spoke yesterday – to anyone who would listen,... Read more

  Posted on 09 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Sliding Softly into Winter

  It is with some distress that I report to you that I was forced to pull out the fuzzy loungewear the other day.You know the stuff: the cuddly warm material... Read more

  Posted on 08 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION