Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Look at That!; Or Would You Believe Me If I Said I Had Some Infrared Footage of ...

  There are shows on cable, shows poorly shot, shows with dramatic pauses and whispered hisses of “Did you see that?!” and “Shhhh! I think I just heard something! Read more

  Posted on 09 March 2017 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I'll Bet a Pencil Would Fit Nicely...

  Part of my descent into cranky world-weariness involves the young man about to walk by me. He doesn’t know it – and probably wouldn’t care if he did, him bein’ ... Read more

  Posted on 04 August 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Come Here! No, Go Away! GAH

  The angst I feel at this time of my life is not becoming. I mean sure, it was cute when I was a teenager – even somewhat adorable in my 20s! But firmly ensconce... Read more

  Posted on 02 August 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I've Gone Straight

  I recently started seeing a chiropractor. This, after a lifetime of disparaging them. It was a medical doctor who got me started. “No matter what,” he said,... Read more

  Posted on 21 June 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Haven’t Always Been as Hot as I Am Now

  I regularly burst into flame. Of course, you wouldn’t know it to look at me. Or maybe you would. It’s hard to have one’s internal temperature moved to “Bake” –... Read more

  Posted on 07 June 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Pleased to Meet Me

  According to the scrolling marquee at the front of the bus, today’s date is 10/23/34. I turn away from it, return to my Springtime Revelry, required of all... Read more

  Posted on 19 May 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Seems Like About 20%; Or Yeah, But How Was the Service?

  The morning sky is a powdery blue, the clouds edged with a salmon color that really sets off the red in my eyes. I don’t sleep well, a fact that I feel the... Read more

  Posted on 18 May 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Quiet Moment with George and Pearl

  

  I have taken the bus to George’s place, a self-sufficient set of rooms in an old building with high ceilings and interesting neighbors. Read more

  Posted on 05 February 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Hey -- What's with the Holes in Your Ceiling?

  Eight inches of snow, a cough that won't quit, and YARN! Have I told you about my new YARN and newly found love of crocheting?! I haven't? Well, rest assured... Read more

  Posted on 04 February 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• You Should See The Cake They Give You When You Reach This Age

  It started innocently enough. Several weeks into December, and after an unsatisfying encounter of the political Facebook kind, one in which a man in his early... Read more

  Posted on 02 February 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Next Up, The Inner Jackass

  So I was laying on my yoga mat Tuesday, pressing my forehead into the ground, as is my wont, when it occurred to me that I have entered a new stage in my life.... Read more

  Posted on 29 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Chore Monkey Revisited

  Let me just step out onto a limb here and say that one thing I think we can all agree on is that what this country needs is a good Chore Monkey. Tired of... Read more

  Posted on 28 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Sneezy Rider

  Monday morning: After a brief dabbling into sidewalk ice-dancing, followed by a light bit of graffiti-scraping at the bus stop (whoever Coni is, he has clearly... Read more

  Posted on 26 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke

  It’s dark out. This does not surprise me, of course, as it’s been dark since, oh, I dunno, 2012? It is winter. We go to work in the dark. And we return in the... Read more

  Posted on 25 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I've Always Said It: You're Hot

  A re-post from 2012... It is the dead of winter, and yet the woman standing in front of me in the grocery store check-out line has taken off her coat. Moments... Read more

  Posted on 22 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• What's That You Say? You Need Another Post About Winter?

  The grayness… I look around, note the frozen hipsters on the bus (once their skin goes black, there’s nothing to do but mash them up and make bread with them). Read more

  Posted on 21 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Mid-Winter Reflection; Or Is That Brownie Batter on Your Lips?

  It bores even me to say it, but dang. It’s cold. It’s always been cold. As is common for my people at this time of year, I’ve clean forgotten the sodden heat... Read more

  Posted on 20 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• It’s Warm by the Stove

  The high temperature in Minneapolis yesterday, according to a popular Facebook meme, was lower than that of Antarctica; and so I did what every ounce of my bein... Read more

  Posted on 19 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• You Don’t Own Me, Dishwasher

  I’ve had it with that dishwasher. Not the guy at Nye’s, even if he does pretend not to know English for “fork” and laughs at my attempt to remember the Spanish... Read more

  Posted on 14 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• If You Look at It Sideways, It’s a Diet

  I’m on a new diet. It’s called “There’s leftover food in the break room!” All the kids are doing it. Left wallet-battered and now the proud owner of plumbing... Read more

  Posted on 13 January 2016 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION