Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Camber, Caster, and Toe; Or Mary, Jon, and Pearl In Close Quarters

  I have paint on my knuckles.“That’s a lovely color,” Mary says. “It imparts a certain, I dunno, je ne sais quoi.”“It’s Tradewinds,” I say. “My bathroom now... Read more

  Posted on 30 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Early Morning, Vacation Day

  The piles of cardboard boxes in the kitchen have attracted the cats. A part of Willie’s father’s estate and having sat on the second-floor porch since June,... Read more

  Posted on 27 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I’ll Never See Them Again, But They Have My Fervent Best Wishes

  I managed to hurt both wrists this weekend in a paid-to-clean-with-Mary extravaganza. That house is clean -- although I forgot the bleach I like to add to the... Read more

  Posted on 23 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I’ve Been Selling My Words Lately. I Thought You Should Know.

  You’ll probably want to sit down for this.You comfy?I’ve been writing on the side.Cheating on you.It’s not the same, of course. Read more

  Posted on 20 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Care for Another Mousie Drumstick? Or There’s No Accounting for Taste

  I realize this is a repost. It doesn't mean Liza Bean is not going back to school...Taking advantage of some... Read more

  Posted on 19 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Pardon Me If I Shout a Bit; Or News of a Free Download of a Friend's Book and...

  Today's entry is a bit of a change. I've been invaded by everyone's favourite slacker, Indigo Roth. When I say INVADED, I don't mean it in a Biblical way of... Read more

  Posted on 18 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Just Hear Those Sleigh Bells Ringin’; Or, It’s Like Lysol for the Ears

  “We should find a more grassroots way to communicate in this office.”I scowl, just a bit. “Grassroots? What, like passing notes in homeroom?”He scowls back, jus... Read more

  Posted on 17 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• We Always Got Christmas Cards, Or Help, I Can’t Feel My Hand

  I am surrounded by small mounds of Christmas cards.Oh, someone shoot me. Shoot me now. I’ve sprained my brain. I’ve forgotten the word for that thing, that thin... Read more

  Posted on 16 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Mysterious Hollering Dude Returns

  It is 45 minutes until the sun will be up. I have managed to squeeze into every article of clothing that I own and waddle myself, fat as a tick, down the... Read more

  Posted on 13 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• It’s Christmas Time in the City; Or Wait. Maybe I AM a Monster…

  The skyways have begun their seasonal clogging.Holding hands, pushing strollers, their winter-ly goods piled high, up to and including water bottles, snacks,... Read more

  Posted on 12 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Two: That Farm-House Attic Dang-Near Killed Me

  

  Part Two of two. Didn't read Part One? Posted yesterday. You run over there, I'll get a cup of coffee, and I'll meet you back here in, what, three? Sounds... Read more

  Posted on 11 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part One: That Farm House Attic Dang-Near Killed Me

  “Was it cold?” Dad asks. “Uff-da. Let me tell ya: they don’t make cold like that anymore.”He turns to me. “Care for a beer?”We are in the garage/living room, a... Read more

  Posted on 10 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Next Thing You Know -- WHAM! -- Yer Toes Are Black

  

  I spent some of the week working on another piece -- a departure for me -- that I've submitted elsewhere. If it's accepted, I'll let you know where it is -- if... Read more

  Posted on 06 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Quiet Moment, In the Dark

  Sheesh! What's with all the bus posts lately?! I really gotta get out more...I am a full block away from the stop when the bus zips by.Two minutes early than... Read more

  Posted on 05 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Not The Same At All; Or Nurse! My Smelling Salts!

  He is skeptical that I will be able to withstand an in-the-office procedure.I cock my head at him, give him the ol’ Spaniel eyes. “But we’re already here,” I... Read more

  Posted on 04 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Us Versus Them; Or Bus Fight!

  Six-thirty-something a.m. Minneapolis is a cold, dark place, a place where, 150 years or so ago, a band of dour Norwegian bachelor farmers stopped their oxen,... Read more

  Posted on 03 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Toasty Warmth of the Laptop

  The cat has gotten quite insistent.I push her away, as I’ve been pushing her away for the last 10 minutes. “I’m – hey – get off the keyboard you ridiculous cat... Read more

  Posted on 02 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Home Surgery Made Affordable!

  If you’re ever in the area, I insist you meet Mary and Jon.Mary, of course, you already know. Quicker witted than the average bear, able to clean your place... Read more

  Posted on 04 November 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• That's a Lovely Free Chair You Have There

  

  I must be stronger than I look.This is something that I reflect upon whilst grappling with one end of a wardrobe. Made somewhere around 1904, it’s better... Read more

  Posted on 01 November 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Philadelphia Story; Or, At No Time Did I See Rod Serling

  Philadelphia, PA. Why not go? A couple days, just as a lark, just me and Willie. Eleven years ago it was. We ate a Philly cheesesteak, got drunk one afternoon... Read more

  Posted on 31 October 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION