Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Tamra’s Got the Heebie Jeebies

  “There should be a protocol,” she stresses. “There are reasonable expectations associated with the bus!”I nod solemnly, pull out the book I keep on hand for suc... Read more

  Posted on 31 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Of Course That’s My Picture!

  We have pictures of ourselves, here at work, posted near our respective doors – or, in my and my fellow cube mates’ cases, near the exercise wheel, over by the... Read more

  Posted on 30 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Hey, If You Can’t Rely on the Fridge for Inspiration...

  I’ve been uninspired for days.It started when I discovered that I had only three kinds of mustard in the fridge.I stood inside the open door, the cool air... Read more

  Posted on 29 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Flip-Flops in the Wintertime; Or Sir? I'll Need to See Your Driver's License

  It is four degrees below zero outside.And there is a pair of flip-flops in one of the cubicles lining the yoga studio wall.“This,” I say to Mary, later, “is wha... Read more

  Posted on 24 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Another Lousy Post About Winter

  The grayness…I look around, note the frozen hipsters on the bus (once their skin goes black, there’s nothing to do but mash them up and make bread with them). Read more

  Posted on 23 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I See You Have a New Grill, Friend

  The new grill sits in pieces on the patio, a metal island in a sea of Allen wrenches.It is August, and far too hot for this sort of thing. Read more

  Posted on 22 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Realizations: Bingo Version

  Bingo in a bar. What a great idea. I’m going to drink, I’m going to play bingo.I’ll probably win.I look over at Di’s cards. Despite having won an earlier game,... Read more

  Posted on 21 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Bus Stop at 24th and Nicollet: I Still Got It

  When the furnace cracked, the CO2 levels in the attic reached a level that actually seeped onto the/our second floor. This explains the sore throat and the... Read more

  Posted on 20 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Every Day I’m Learnin’

  I sold more words the other day. Tasty, informative words.It was all in English, of course, although not my English. So I rounded up all my zeds, threw in a... Read more

  Posted on 17 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Step Right Up, Li'l Lady! Or She's 100, Maybe 102 Years Old...

  There are a number of things that I’ve discovered I cannot do.For instance, I cannot do percentages. Honestly, I think I was sick that day. Read more

  Posted on 16 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part II: Loud, Proud, and Likely to Crowd; Or Maybe Next Time We Walk

  

  Haven’t read Part One? It was yesterday. Click here. Go on! It’s only 410 words or so – we’ll wait for you…I cannot hear Mary over the rumbling thoroughness of... Read more

  Posted on 15 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Loud, Proud, and Likely to Crowd; Or Holy Cats, That’s a Big Truck You Got There...

  

  I should’ve never let her park in the church parking lot.Still. It’s Mary, for crying out loud. Who’s going to stop her?The vehicle that had pulled up to the... Read more

  Posted on 14 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Henway? Oh, About Four Pounds Or So...

  Seems that my parents and Mary have done some sneaky bonding recently...“When are you picking her up?”“Who?”“Mary!” I can hear my mother moving around her... Read more

  Posted on 13 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• On the Black and White, They Ride; Or Mary and Pearl Get Ready to Make with the...

  Mary arrived with a paper bag full of pants.“Oooooh!”She drops the bag of pants – of used pants, to be precise – on the ground at my feet.“Ann Taylor,” she says... Read more

  Posted on 10 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Marks They Left On Each Other

  It's a departure. Sorry -- I didn't mean to. :-)She is dizzy with panic. Her hand on the phone on the kitchen wall, her palms are slick with the sweat borne of... Read more

  Posted on 09 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Good Ones Will Leave You

  Julia has given notice.“Seems unfair, don’t you think?” I say. “Just taking off like that?”Julia smiles the secret, internal smile of the recently paroled. Read more

  Posted on 08 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• And When the Glacier Moved Down Nicollet, We Knew It Was Serious

  First came the snow.And we knew this to be fair, to be good. It’s Minneapolis, for cryin’ out loud. Our seasons are beautiful because they exist.And then came... Read more

  Posted on 07 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Sometimes, Ya Just Gotta Go Through Stuff

  I’ve been putting things away for, I don’t know, a couple hundred years now.Look. When your place is the size of an ambitious postage stamp, and the only... Read more

  Posted on 06 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Who, Pearl? Nope. Haven’t Seen Her Around Lately…

  6:32, Thursday morning.Considering the immense hangover I had New Year’s Day, I’m feeling, on this, The First Day of the New Year Without a Hangover, mostly... Read more

  Posted on 03 January 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Look Familiar to Me, Or Winter’s Old Already

  The world is a different place when the windchill is far below zero. Frankly, if you don’t have to go anywhere, just don’t. The smart money is on staying... Read more

  Posted on 31 December 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION