Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Part Five and Finale: Well That Took a Turn; Or It Wasn’t Me!

  Parts One, Two, Three, or Four? Why, right here, my good man! Go ahead! Catch up! I think I’m drunk. I frown suspiciously at my drink. “How you doin’,... Read more

  Posted on 27 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Four: MAN! Is Your Drink as Tasty as Mine?

  Parts One, Two, and Three? Do we have links? You bet your sweet bippy we do. If you need to go back – and each one is only 300 words or so! – you can do it... Read more

  Posted on 26 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Three: What’s the Cover at This Joint, Anyway?

  Did you read Parts One and Two? Go ahead, click on over. We’ll wait here. There is no better time to visit one’s recently employed cat than at 11:00 on a Tuesda... Read more

  Posted on 25 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Two: The Cat Has a What Now?

  Haven’t read Part One? Go to yesterday – better yet, click this link. Go on! I’ll just run get myself a coffee and meet you back here, okay? I give up waiting... Read more

  Posted on 24 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part One: A Small Cat Asks a Favor

  There is a dagger of some kind in my ribs. A very small dagger, exceedingly sharp, perhaps wielded by a very small, exceedingly sharp animal… Animal? I open my... Read more

  Posted on 23 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Inside My Head, It’s Warm and Dry

  Having been forecast to begin raining at 5:00, the clouds oblige; and at 5:04, it comes down, raindrops the size of dinner plates. Read more

  Posted on 20 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Don’t Think of It as Censorship. Think of It as Feedback.

  I used to have 617 friends. “Surely, Pearl,” you say. “You are exaggerating. No one has 617 friends.” “I used to have 617 friends,” I respond. “Now I have 616.... Read more

  Posted on 19 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Something About an Ol' Ban-Joe

  I live in a city. I work in a city. Everybody knows that’s where the money is, right? And so many ways to earn it! After all, I’ve been crowd-guilted into... Read more

  Posted on 18 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• We Sometimes Went Days Without Taking Our Own Picture

  We are unable to access the internet. Acme Grommets and Gravel is beside itself. The intern with whom I currently share a double-wide cubicle – a newly hired... Read more

  Posted on 17 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• You Should Always Check the Back Seat, Or Happy Father's Day, One Day Late...

  I found a quarter and four pennies on my way to the bus stop this morning. Would you believe I picked up all five coins? You would? Sure. There are a lot of... Read more

  Posted on 16 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Now with More Room in the Garbage Bag

  I stink of onions. One washes, as one does, but if you make enough sandwiches, the smell gets in your pores, into the very whorls and striations of the hands. Read more

  Posted on 13 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Because You Never Know When You’ll Need Your Strength

  The bus is not only late, it’s full. Of course, the later a bus is, the more people are waiting for it. Minneapolis is just days away from an official... Read more

  Posted on 12 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Little Dessert with Paul and Midge; Or This is What 50 Years Gets You

  I watch a ladybug as it climbs up the far wall. “You just can’t get rid of them,” my mother says. “It’s like a little bug retreat in here.” I look around. I... Read more

  Posted on 11 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• There’s a Lot of Scary Movies That Start This Way…

  Apparently a weekend writing retreat can mess you up, date-wise. This was to have posted Monday. /sigh/ Dateline, rural Michigan. I’ve always wanted to say that. Read more

  Posted on 10 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Tell Me About the Scrumpy, Daddy

  A repost from last year, while I prepare for my weekend writing retreat in Michigan with Wade Rouse. :-) Enjoy! “Tell me about the scrumpy, Vin.” Vin takes a... Read more

  Posted on 04 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• It’s OK – He Wants Us to Stare

  The man at the front of the bus is listening to music. Look at him up there, all funkified. Why, that young man is positively alive with rhythm. Or so he would... Read more

  Posted on 03 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Hey! Nice Pants!

  

  The relationship I’ve had with pants has been a long and sometimes ill-fitting one. It’s not that I don’t like them – some of my favorite pieces of apparel... Read more

  Posted on 02 June 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Moment at the Bus Stop; Or Do I Now Qualify for a Subsidized Ticket Price?

  The new job may be taking up more brain space than I had estimated. I stand inside the bus stop, kitty-corner from Mary Tyler Moore. Read more

  Posted on 30 May 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Tremble, All Ye Who Stand Before the Awesome Power of Consonants!

  While I would like to leave actual surnames out of this, for now, I do feel it necessary to point out to you that my last name is a Scrabble dream. We’re talkin... Read more

  Posted on 29 May 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Place at the Table; Or Just a Crumb, Please

  They’re talking in tongues again. I have been in this meeting for 30 minutes and have managed to absorb only two things: One, many of us have not had enough... Read more

  Posted on 28 May 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION