Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Just a Little Color...

  Having lived successfully through a turbulent childhood, the 80s/90s/and yesterday, a motorcycle “club” (never say “gang”), and motherhood, I can safely say tha... Read more

  Posted on 27 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Dolly Gee Squeakers Lives a Simple, Feathered Life

  Dolly Gee Squeakers, formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers, lay in the middle of the room, pressing the love of her life to her pretty, whiskered face. Read more

  Posted on 26 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Ode to Sarah; Or The Desiccator Demands Your Attention

  Because this year, apparently, is the year I will earn the nickname “Lumpy”, I’ve had yet another one removed. The first? Ganglion. The second? Lipoma. The... Read more

  Posted on 25 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Hold My Calls; Or I'll Be In the Tub

  I love a hot bubble bath. The bubbles? They don't have to be the Cucumber Mandarin Monkey Lips from Bath and Bodyworks. The bubbles can be from a squirt of... Read more

  Posted on 22 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Ya HEAR That Sonuvagun? Listen. Listen...

  A repost from this date, 2011. I hate not being able to write -- work has consumed me -- but I do love this piece... Enjoy. I learned to listen to music, growin... Read more

  Posted on 21 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Kitty Knows All, Tells Only Some

  Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers), a long-haired Siamese mix with a penchant for a dripping bathroom faucet and Virginia Slims has... Read more

  Posted on 20 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein Pearl Becomes Conscious, Or Look, You Little !!#@$%, I Said "MOVE OVER"!

  As part of a social experiment in 8th grade, our political science class had a general election. As a result I, along with other classmates heavy on charm and... Read more

  Posted on 19 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Mondays Are Awesome, and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

  Mondays are among the more tiresome of the weekdays, don’t you think? These are the days when the bed has never been quite so comfortable, the kitties quite so... Read more

  Posted on 18 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Suspect is Believed to Be Driving a Car. Yes, a Car...

  I stood on my front steps last evening, talking to my neighbor, a woman as vigilant in her park surveillance as I am. You see, there’s a public park across the... Read more

  Posted on 15 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Glen Never Came Back

  Excuse me, ma’am? Would you have any spare change? God bless. There is, of course, no such thing as “spare change”. I have a spare tire, conveniently kept... Read more

  Posted on 14 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein Pearl's Wardrobe Gets the Recognition It Deserves; Or, Hey! Are Those Ne...

  I’m wearing a new pair of pants today. What’s that, you say? Why yes, I find that to be true as well! New clothes do make life worth living! Read more

  Posted on 13 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Or, You Could Just Eat It With Your Fingers

  It is a night of starched pants, of large and surprisingly heavy pewter bowls, of stairs. Oh, the stairs. It is Saturday night at Nye’s Polanaise and I am,... Read more

  Posted on 12 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Operators Are Standing By; Or Welcome to Monday

  My brain has found itself in a rut lately. Initially, I was horrified, but, three beers in, I’m actually feeling kinda comfy. My rut? Read more

  Posted on 11 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Cilantro: It is TOO Delicious!

  I’m a simple person. Well, no. That’s not exactly true, but what I’m about to divulge may have you shaking your head and muttering, “That Pearl. I didn’t realiz... Read more

  Posted on 08 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Time for The Chore Monkey Has Come

  Some concepts require second looks. I refer, of course, to the Chore Monkey. Look, people. We’ve put a man on the moon, provided the youth of today with multipl... Read more

  Posted on 07 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Mysterious Hollering Dude Returns

  From December of 2013. Because in the trenches of a Minnesota August, I'm romanticizing how wonderful an arctic breeze can feel. It is 45 minutes until the sun... Read more

  Posted on 06 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• New Fish on the Block

  From 2011, because I, apparently, go to yoga after work, make dinner, then sit down and don't move until bedtime. /sigh/ After a tragic, tank-wide case of Ich... Read more

  Posted on 05 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• But I Thought You Liked Me!

  The gin and tonic is delicious. And I can’t take the suspense anymore. I adopt what I hope is a casual air. “So,” I say, “Did you get the book I sent you?” Sara... Read more

  Posted on 04 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Let's Not Bicker and Argue Over 'Oo Blistered 'Oo

  Because ongoing information regarding my footwear is intriguing no matter who you are, I am compelled to update you on my new shoes. The ones that only... Read more

  Posted on 01 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Dial M for Random

  Ring-ring! Ring-Ring! “Good morning, this is Pearl.” “Who is this? Where are you?” I blink at my phone. It doesn’t help, but it doesn’t hurt. “This is Pearl,”... Read more

  Posted on 31 July 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION