Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Light as a Feather, Still as a Board

  I honestly meant to write more about Liza Bean and Fuzzy (see yesterday), but my attendance was required at The Planning of the Second Annual Chili Invitational... Read more

  Posted on 26 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part II: Does a Cat Change Its Stripes?

  Did you miss Part One? Go here. Go on now – we’ll wait for you… The cat settles on my lap. It’s Wednesday, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Read more

  Posted on 25 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part I: Fuzzwald T. Stripersson, Slippery Feline

  I’ve been feeling uncomfortable for several minutes now, but I refuse to look up. Last time I had this feeling, there was a cat in the doorway, wearing my... Read more

  Posted on 24 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Heeeere Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty

  I will be writing a bit on Liza Bean Bitey tonight, and it occurred to me that because it's been a while, and because there are new readers, the cat may be... Read more

  Posted on 23 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Bus Stop, Early Monday Morning; Or Nostalgia

  Monday morning. Again. And here is the bus. Again. I have settled into my usual seat – the one just after the surveillance camera. I like to know that, should... Read more

  Posted on 22 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Welcome to Friday

  And welcome, people, to Friday! I am writing this, of course, on Thursday, a day consumed with fighting off the hangover I insisted on cultivating the night... Read more

  Posted on 19 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Yesterday Was a Test of the Internal Emergency Broadcast System

  Had this been a real emergency, you would have been instructed where to find the remnants of my head and encouraged to send copious amounts of tequila and... Read more

  Posted on 18 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Hope, and the Dispersal Thereof

  I once found myself in the Caribbean with my brother. I believe it was St. Lucia. Have you ever hung out with Kevin? You should. He’s one of the more sincere... Read more

  Posted on 17 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Now With More Bone! Or Tora! Tora! Tora!

  A re-post from 2012, while I struggle under the weight of expectations... I have long suspected that I am special. The freckles, of course, were my first clue.... Read more

  Posted on 16 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• When I'm Not Doing Something Incredibly Useful...

  “The walk to the bus may have looked like any other, but Monday was the day that changed everything.” I’ve been known to narrate my life. Not aloud, of course,... Read more

  Posted on 15 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Every Season is Special; Or, I’m – Sob! – Cold!

  I stood at the bus stop this morning, a chill in the air and a suspiciously autumnal look to the sky and thought to myself, ‘Now where’s my mittens?’ Wait.... Read more

  Posted on 12 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Seet. I Make You Coffee.

  

  We are standing in the kitchen. “So this coffee,” I say. “What makes it Turkish?” Maryna shakes her pretty little head. “Watch,” she says. “Don’t ask questions. Read more

  Posted on 10 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Would You Please Take Your Pants Down?

  Maryna, the woman for whom there can never be enough jewelry, enough clothing, delights in giving it away. Dark haired, dark eyed, her English gets better... Read more

  Posted on 09 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• 23 Skidoo!

  Erin’s grandma wonders where all the jalopies have gone. Well, outside of the fact that she lives in one of the finer, wealthier areas of Chicago and a jalopy... Read more

  Posted on 08 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• You Think There Are Fights Over Who Cleans the Cat Box NOW...

  I go places. I do things. I listen as often as possible and I interrupt far less than I used to. It’s a pleasure, being out and amongst the peoples, not to... Read more

  Posted on 05 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I'll See Your "Awesome" and Raise You a "Dude"

  "Can you imagine how hard life would be if I weren’t so awesome?" This was put to me as a real question the other day. “Define awesome,” I said. Frankly, the... Read more

  Posted on 04 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Summer Sings Into Fall

  The amplified music rolls over roofs, down alleys, spills into the house. I pause in the kitchen, knife poised over the last of the truly good cucumbers, tilt m... Read more

  Posted on 03 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• But She Had a Letter from a Church!; Or Who Do I Make the Check Out To?

  We were sitting in the backyard, Willie, Jon, Mary and I. And we were pretty happy. Happy laughing, happy talking, happy drunk. And why not? It was summer, afte... Read more

  Posted on 02 September 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Impactful!

  I have a conference call to dial into and I’m already late. Shoot. This is no way to start the work week. Beep. Beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep-beep boop boop bee... Read more

  Posted on 29 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• This is Probably How Rich People's Teeth Feel...

  I spent some time yesterday with a dentist. Up to their wrists in other people’s mouths, dentists are some of my favorite people to mess with. Read more

  Posted on 28 August 2014 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION