Japecake

LATEST ARTICLES ( 23 )

• This Is a Painting of a Boy Fucking a Turkey

  American School, circa 1930: Boy Fucking a Turkey. Oil on canvas. 14″ x 10″.Well, you did it, didn’t you? Did you really think that a headline like... Read more

  Posted on 24 November 2016 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• The World According to Dave, According to Me

  

  Just as he was about to be released for “good” (= not good) behavior, Japey has composed a delusional, troublingly inappropriate fantasy thought-provoking... Read more

  Posted on 16 October 2016 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Trigger Warnings (WARNING: Triggers May Trigger Trigger Warning Triggering)

  

  This semester’s History of Cinema seminar, “Sex and Violence in the Films of the Coen Brothers,” may include images of sex, violence, and Steve Buscemi.Sometime... Read more

  Posted on 25 February 2016 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Star Wars: Not Just a Movie

  

  Star Wars: Epic Lunch Box AdvertisementStar Wars: Affectless Action Figure Delivery SystemStar Wars: A Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery Inside an Enigma Tucked into ... Read more

  Posted on 24 December 2015 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• The Ten Commandments (Passive-Aggressive Version)

  

  Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Not mad, just saying.Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven... Read more

  Posted on 02 December 2015 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Vladimir Putin: I Want to Help You De-Gay and “Butch Up” the 2014 Sochi Winter...

  

  Because of the uncomfortable connotations of “flaming,” the Olympic torch will no longer be lit at the opening ceremonies, but instead will be rigged to expel... Read more

  Posted on 07 February 2014 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Everything Bagel: Asshole of the Bakery

  

  Yeah, that’s me. Asshole of the bakery. The Antonin Scalia of bread and pastry. The Donald Trump of this flour-dusted, godforsaken shithole. You got a problem... Read more

  Posted on 18 October 2013 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Possible Responses to Sudden, Unexpected, And/or Unwanted Declarations of “I Lov...

  

  “And I love pancakes!”“Now say it without using the sock puppet.” [Extended pause] “Does this mean we’re not gonna screw?”“Please submit all declarations of lov... Read more

  Posted on 05 June 2013 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Colony Collapse Disorder: The Latest Theories

  

  “Honey bee populations have plummeted in the last half decade as worker bees have mysteriously flown off and never returned to the hives—a phenomenon now... Read more

  Posted on 02 May 2013 HUMOR

• Lost St. Patrick’s Day Traditions Worth Reviving

  

  Irish Sod Bread. Impoverished nineteenth-century Irish farmers, unable to afford all four letters of “soda,” were forced to make do with only the first three,... Read more

  Posted on 17 March 2013 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• A Love Song (With Footnotes)

  

  I gave my love a cherry that had no stone I gave my love a chicken that had no bone I told my love a story that had no end I gave my love a baby with no... Read more

  Posted on 14 February 2013 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Stay Healthy This Cold and Flu Season

  

  If you’re feeling under the weather, stay home from school or work. If you’re already in the habit of skipping, be sure to skip an extra day later on to make... Read more

  Posted on 01 February 2013 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• I Am About to Share the Greatest Idea Ever Conceived

  

  . It’s an idea without peer, parallel, or precedent. It’s an idea whose time has come, has passed, and has cycled around again twenty-nine times. Read more

  Posted on 16 January 2013 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Nice Knowing You: Some Apocalypse Scenarios

  

  Major metropolitan areas are completely wiped out, while remote rural locales remain untouched, since apocalypse reception is so unreliable once you’re out of... Read more

  Posted on 21 December 2012 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• I Now Own the Internet, and Things Are Going to Change

  

  Several days ago, bored and in explicit violation of my parole—I was convicted in 2011 of hacking Google, which I did with a surplus Vietnam-era machete from th... Read more

  Posted on 05 December 2012 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Least-Rescue-Worthy Endangered Species

  

  Grating white shark Drama queen bee Spray-on tanager Red-breasted sluthatch Texting-while-praying mantis KKKoala Jerkraffe Craven Cheatah Unferret Profanatee... Read more

  Posted on 16 November 2012 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Less-Anticipated Oscar-Season Presidential Biopics

  

  Madam, I’m Adams: A Palindrome Thwarted The Jeffersons Robert Ludlum’s The Monroe Doctrine Action Jackson Van Buren Tippecanoe and Tyler II: Whigged Out (aka th... Read more

  Posted on 06 November 2012 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Blow Hard: A New Hampshire–Based Live Blog of Hurricane Sandy

  

  1:32 a.m. Somehow, I missed all the warnings about the hurricane. I kept catching only the tail ends of the bulletins, mentioning “Sandy,” and, like any... Read more

  Posted on 31 October 2012 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Lowest-Rated Cat Videos on YouTube

  

  Cat photo (prior to alteration): MDphotography, via Flickr Boots Sits at Starbucks with a Laptop “Working on His Novel” While Nursing a Small Coffee for Five... Read more

  Posted on 17 October 2012 HUMOR, SOCIETY

• Gently Used Japecake Classix: Celebrate a Budget-Conscious Halloween

  

  Japey is currently hard at work in the comedy mines of the Ukraine, digging up new material, which he will soon be ready to offer at deep discounts—which is to... Read more

  Posted on 11 October 2012 HUMOR, SOCIETY