Gray Eyed Athena

LATEST ARTICLES ( 197 )

• Choose to Live in the Sun

  This morning was bad.  But as soon as I took the razor blade to my right shin, a great weight lifted and I could breathe again. Read more

  Posted on 04 June 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Crime, Punishment, Confusion

  The further I descend into sleep deprivation and the more time that passes without a diagnosis for my sleep disorder, the more I believe that I have done all... Read more

  Posted on 04 June 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Summer Weekend

  

  Despite today’s malaise, I am still mentally basking in the glow of a most perfect weekend, heralding the approach of summer.  Being in the sun charges my... Read more

  Posted on 03 June 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Rest. My Four Letter Word.

  My sleep deprivation is all-encompassing.I woke up at 1am this morning and did not sleep for the remainder of the night.  That’s two hours of sleep.  I got out... Read more

  Posted on 03 June 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• the Middle

  Nothing to say other than I’m so tired.And also, I’ve lost 27 pounds.I’m so glad the sun and summer are finally here.  I am living in the liminal moments as muc... Read more

  Posted on 03 June 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Summer Meditation

  

  This post is a re-blog from one of my favorite foodie/culture websites, TheKitchn, originally posted by Dana Velden. I love this post for the nostalgic and... Read more

  Posted on 27 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Fat, Thin, and Confused

  Aren’t all mirrors supposed to be the same?In some of them I can see my progress.  Sometimes I can even see beauty.  I can notice my smile, my hair, a... Read more

  Posted on 24 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• What’s Wrong with Cutting?

  The desire/need/craving to cut has been strong of late.  It seems to arise when I feel like I am not in control of my environment, my body, or my relationship. Read more

  Posted on 24 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Dilation Volvulus

  Bony boy grabs girl’s hand and pulls her after him and though her heart pulses in her chest, disturbing the thin layer of her skinshirt, she follows him. Read more

  Posted on 24 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Ennui

  The more exhausted and defeated I grow, the more insistent and strident the patterned mania of my brain becomes.  I lie awake in the small hours,... Read more

  Posted on 24 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Lunch, 187 Calories

  

  I pack a lunch every morning with nearly unchanging staple ingredients.  I’ve found my holy grail in this particular food combination; it satisfies my... Read more

  Posted on 21 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Fat Girl

  Stuffed swollen and pulled tight, shiny skin like a balloon filled to bursting.  She would not float, though, she’s a sinker, through and through.  Heavy and... Read more

  Posted on 20 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Indulgences and Confessional

  I’m no Catholic, but sometimes the best thing we can do to relieve ourselves of guilt is to confess.  It’s cathartic, at the very least, and saying things out... Read more

  Posted on 20 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Gray Eyes, Gray Skies

  I don’t know why it is that as soon as the weather turns gray (like it is right now), I suddenly feel the urge to write.  It’s possible that I feel so... Read more

  Posted on 20 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Forgiveness

  Joe’s mother is a cruel, strange woman.  No one has ever been more mean and hurtful to me than she has and my relationship with her ended almost two years ago... Read more

  Posted on 20 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Clonidine to Nortriptyline

  I took Clonidine for a couple nights last week but my low blood pressure dropped to a point that was unsafe, so I had to stop.  The Clonidine didn’t do... Read more

  Posted on 14 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Updating

  The documentarian within me feels the need to push through my haze and provide an update for my own records (since, ultimately, this blog is meant for me).I... Read more

  Posted on 08 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• No Room

  I know this is going to get better, but right now it’s about all I can do to put one foot in front of the other, so that’s kind of all I’m doing. Read more

  Posted on 08 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Catatonia

  Like an upside down girl, blood swelled her head and all the water and air and lightness rose in a bubble, pressing at her sides and pushing against her skull,... Read more

  Posted on 06 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Neglectful

  I’ve been finding it difficult to focus on anything recently, including this blog.  I think often about things I need to write, but my brain is reaching deep... Read more

  Posted on 06 May 2013 SELF EXPRESSION