Parents often try to do their best to give their children a healthy life and a happy upbringing. However, there is no written handbook for good parenting that parents can follow. Sometimes, parents may knowingly or unknowingly make mistakes that may affect the mental well-being and emotional health of their children. When such occasional oversights become a habit, it results in toxic parenting.
Effect of toxic parenting on kids
Toxic Parenting Explained
In a situation wherein, the behavior pattern among parents hurt the psyche of their children repeatedly, then parents are raising their kids with toxic parenting. Such patterns evoke feelings of sadness, guilt, obligation, or fear among young minds. Eventually, several behavioral patterns of the parents, even though unintentional, may cause mental trauma and emotional stress in children leaving long-term negative effects.
Toxic parenting includes:
● lack of empathy
● never apologizing
● never discussing a situation with kids
● use of abusive language
● display of controlling behavior
● Manipulation
● Invalidating emotions of a kid
● Not respecting personal boundaries
● Passive aggression
Apparently, the family abides by dysfunctional rules that adversely affect the kids.
Signs of Toxic Parenting
Effects of Toxic Parents on Kids
Toxic parents may have long-term and often irreversible effects on the mental, psychological, and emotional development of a child. It is just not bad parenting but it is toxic in nature as it is damaging in nature, leaving behind emotional scars on children.
Many parents who suffer from a mental or psychological issue, pass them on through generations via toxic parenting They exemplify a dysfunctional coping mechanism reflected via toxic behavior with their kids. As a result, children may experience emotional and mental stress when dealing with different situations.
Here is how toxic parenting affects kids:
Children Never Feel Secure
Tough love often seems to be a go-to rule for parenting, and many people believe that the approach leaves a positive impact on life. However, children with such an upbringing often feel insecure and bewildered when dealing with perceived failure or rejection.
Children Turn Overcritical of themselves
Highly toxic parents often criticize everything done by their children. Eventually, the kids develop a despotic inner critic that may cripple their adulthood. Some children often lack confidence. And may deter from taking responsibility. Such children keep second-guessing their efforts and are never confident about their actions.
Such Kids Refrain from Expressing Negative Emotions
Toxic parents neglect the emotional needs of a child. As a result, the kid feels uncomfortable in expressing emotions to anyone. Over time, the child turns depressive and may not appropriately handle a negative situation, even as an adult.
Remember, children need to feel connected, loved, supported, and nurtured to grow into happy adults. So, look out for the signs of toxic parenting to replace them with healthy parenting practices.
Telltale Signs of Toxic Parenting
More often, toxic parentsrespond unknowingly under the influence of emotional or mental stress or an underlying health issue. Despite the reason, here are telltale signs of this extremely bad parenting:
Display of Self-Centered Behavior
Many times, parents behave selfishly, especially when they are self-absorbed. They are so involved with their preoccupations. They either do not give enough time to their children or become emotionally detached. Such a behavior evolves into unloving nature where they fail to understand the expectations of their children
Tendency to React Emotionally
Some toxic parents react aggressively while expressing their emotions. While it is essential to express emotions, it is paramount to evaluate the situation and react appropriately. In turn, toxic moms often turn dramatic and exaggerate their emotions. Such an unpredictable temperament drives children into hiding things from their parents. Children of such parents often lack self-confidence.
The practice of Controlling Behavior
Children need to be loved, not controlled. However, highly toxic parents cannot differentiate strictness from controlling behavior. Controlling parents try to command their children about minutiae things. Consequently, kids try to follow instructions like robots and eventually lose their identity. Instead, they should implement house rules in an organized, orderly, and restricted manner.
Emotionally Abusing the Kids
Sometimes, parents joke about their children making embarrassing remarks about their behavior. Frequent arguments, name-calling, and physical abuse create a wrong impression on the children. It affects their mental and emotional health. Likewise, yelling and screaming indicate something is wrong with the family members.
Manipulating the Child
Parents often try to twist facts before presenting them to their children, intending to gain consent on something. Such manipulative behavior may avoid the phase of denial. Sometimes, it helps in achieving a goal but is highly toxic and not a healthy parental practice.
Never Satisfied with Child’s Achievements
Toxic parents never show a gesture of joy or satisfaction no matter what their kids achieve. Instead, they tend to point out the shortcomings. They find faults in every endeavor the child pursues. However, when parents encourage kids for their small achievements, they tend to work harder next time. Moreover, they learn to value their efforts in everything they do in life.
Hiding Things from Children
Kids do not always stay small. Children become more responsible beings when parents involve them in important matters and value their opinion or consent. They learn to believe their decisions. Nonetheless, toxic parents make decisions all by themselves and believe their decisions are correct for their children. Further, they hide traumatic situations from their family.
All these toxic parenting practices, whether done knowingly or unknowingly, put kids through a perplexing mental conundrum. Such an upbringing may have a long-term influence on their personality development. However, identifying these signs is the first step towards breaking the cycle of toxic parenting.
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How to Transform Parenting Practices into Positive Parenting?
Once toxic parents identify the signs of bad parenting, they can rectify and replace them with positive discipline to nurture their kids more positively. Here are some effective tips for positive parenting to raise happy kids:Identify the Reasons for Misbehavior
Children often misbehave for a reason, no matter how silly it may sound. Positive parents try to address the cause and get to the core of an issue before reacting to a situation. It establishes a close parent-child relationship, which is essential for the effective brain development of a child.
Be Respectful, Kind, And Firm
Children mimic their elders. So, when toxic parents yell and humiliate a child, they react the same way when upset. On the contrary, when parents are kind and respectful, children learn to handle difficult situations with respect and composure. However, being kind doesn't mean being permissive. Parents should set healthy boundaries for their children and enforce them firmly and kindly.
Practice Gentle Discipline
Positive parents implement positive solutions to ensure effective discipline. They focus on teaching positive behavior without punishing the negative ones. They clearly and consistently explain the results of violating limits. And stick to their word too.
Moreover, they understand those toddler tantrums are a part of growing up and choose positive parenting strategies to redirect their actions.
Make Parent-Child Interaction A Learning Opportunity
Good parents turn the situation into a lesson to solve problems when a child misbehaves. They introduce the natural consequences and help a child understand alternative ways to express and resolve a situation.
Ensure One-on-One Time with Kids
Positive and conscious parents understand the importance of spending time with their kids. They play games, listen to their kids, and appreciate their small achievements. It provides positive attention and establishes a firm emotional connection.
Establish Routines
Positive parents establish defined routines for schooltime, bedtime, and mealtime. They involve their kids in deciding upon the routines. They even let them contribute to everyday activities. Besides, they encourage their kids to find solutions to everyday problems on their own. Positive parents clearly state family rules and any consequences for breaking them.
Support and Professional Help
Sometimes the parents who practice toxic parenting require help themselves. The very first step into positive parenting is realizing that they need help. Once they identify the issue in their psyche, they can proceed on a healing journey for themselves and their family.
They can consult with an online counselor to decipher their feelings and work on their family dynamics. If the idea of an online counselor sounds overwhelming, they can confide in an unbiased listener and seek help to get over the situation.
Gradually, professional help and family support can turn the toxic parenting traits into a more delightful parenting experience for their kids and themselves!
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