Family Magazine

Two Things Parents and Singles Should NEVER Say to Each Other.

By Kenny Bodanis @KennyBodanis

You Don't Remember What It's Like to be Single:

ANSWER #1: Oh, yes I do. I was going to write a book about it, entitled: "Where Loneliness and Heaven Collide."
I remember going to weddings, and baby showers, and kids' birthday parties, and then returning to my empty apartment.
My living room window was 6 feet from the building next to me. THAT building seemed - to my peeping-Tom eyes - to be filled with old men, in wife-beater tops, feeding their cats straight from the can.
I figured it would only be a matter of time before someone found me dead; my cat gnawing on my sock.

ANSWER #2: Single? Ooooohhhh, you mean years ago when five minutes before leaving work, a colleague could invite me out for a drink, and I could actually say: "Sure, let's go!"?
Or, do you mean the hours I spent actually BORED because of all the NOTHING I had to do between 5pm and 9am on weekdays, and then again for 48 uninterrupted hours on the weekend?
Or, were they those years when I would wake up, have breakfast (while reading the WHOLE paper - any section I wanted to, in any order I pleased!), and go to the gym?
Then, on the way back from the gym I would stop at the local market to buy lunch. At the market I would chat with the girl who, after punching up my order, would give me roll of quarters for the washer/dryer in my building.
Then, I would have lunch during the wash cycle before having nap during the drying cycle.
But,  sometimes I would sleep too long, and not have time to watch a BluRay before meeting friends for supper.

Yeah, those years sucked.

Navajo Bridge

Navajo Bridge by Glyn Lowe Photoworks

You Don't Know What it's Like Being Married with Kids:
ANSWER #1: By "Married with Kids", do you mean "being the center of attention at every single family function" (even the one's like MY birthday suppers)?
Or do you mean being the shuttle bus for family picnics for the bunch of drunken crazies who will end up barfing on my back seat after I've waited for them 6 hours longer than I would have liked to because backing out of the deal or insisting I'm ready to leave NOW would further my reputation as a party-pooper?
Sorry, I know that information is new to you - THAT's what happens at a party after you bail on it to "put the kids to sleep" just in time to put on your jammies and watch HBO before bed.
Or did you mean I don't know what it's like because after my 70 hour work-week, I spend my spare time doing what I love most - getting an update on your cute family from our parents who have pretty much forgotten my address and what company I work for (if they even knew in the first place). 

ANSWER #2: You're right, I don't. Why is that? could be because I don't have a loving relationship in my life; or maybe because I haven't had sex in a year. Or MAYBE, just MAYBE it's because when I DO have sex I use this really cool thing called a prophylactic!
I don't know what it's like to have kids because, well, see, in life we make these things called CHOICES.
CHOICES have a very big impact on how things turn out. If I'm tired, I want to be able to sleep. If I'm stressed out (after my 70 hour work-week without overtime because of this woman who's on her third Mat leave) I want to be able to go on a vacation to a place without a Kidz Club. If I want to be away from home for a day, or two, or three, I don't need a baby sitter for my cat - just one of those really cool feeders which will keep it alive until I get back (although, sometimes I have the neighbor check in on it, just so if people ask, I sound like I really care).
I don't know what it's like to have kids, but I ALSO don't know what it's like for my boobs to be needed instead of kneaded.

- Reconciliation #1: Don't take that the wrong way, come by and see the kids whenever you like. They miss you.
- Reconciliation #2: Don't take that the wrong way, I'll baby sit if ever you guys want a break.

After all, family is ?%$? family.

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