Tweets About Moms

OK, if you're a reader who's only into my Expatty material, do yourself a favo(u)r and keep reading. This is not about my children.
Can't remember what I was searching for on Twitter the other day, but I came across all these Tweets by kids (teens) about their mothers. They are bloody hilarious. My inevitable comments are in italics.
- "like I"d pass up free Chinese; my moms insane". (Bless)

- "my moms advice >>>". (Don't actually know if an east-pointing chevron is good or bad.)

- "why do moms think it's cool to take you to see people you don't remember?" (This one made me laugh out loud, or LOL as they say. I am guilty of doing this every summer with my kids.)
- "I love when my moms in a good mood". (Well we all know, happy mom = happy household. Take note everyone.)

-  (Hash-tagging like this often denotes Tweeting around a theme) - #Thingsthatgetmepissed -' my moms constantly calling my name to do something simple, when she coulda did it.' (What? You  mean like making your bed, letting the dog out, putting the trash out...I could go on.)

- #Thingsthatgetmepissed - when there's nothing to eat and my mom goes out and don't come back with food. (Coz lord knows, we wouldn't want to eat an apple or a yogurt.)

And my two favourites in reverse order. Drum roll please....
"I stole my moms chocolate. If I don't tweet ever again after tonight, she killed me". (And there's not a jury in the world that'd convict her.)

"This guy said '50 is the new 30'; mom told him '20 is the new 10".  (Bam! Sounds like my kinda woman.)
You couldn't make this stuff up!
PS. Kids - a small possessive apostrophe now and then wouldn't kill.