The NY Times has a very thoughtful and much viewed piece running right now, titled, “A Toxic Work World.” Its author, Anne-Marie Slaughter talks about the intense competition, overly long hours, rigid and outdated ideas regarding the need for specific work place and work hours—and the fact that this culture is impacting not just women with children, but men as well.
Certainly women are impacted the most, and Ms. Slaughter discusses this as she looks at the statistics on who is in the top management positions in business and industry. Even though women now make up a large percentage of the work force and are earning degrees at higher rates than their male counterparts, they are not getting the proportionate promotions and better pay. The why is pretty simple–women are still the primary caregivers in our society, for children, parents and other family members.
The stress from being both a caretaker and an aspiring professional are enormous, and there is a stress epidemic going on right now. Women were told they could have it all, and it is becoming apparent that this is a myth, or wishful thinking. Those who believe this and then try to make it a reality end up coming in to see someone like me for help with stress, anxiety, sleep disorders, health issues, and marital problems. They often believe it is their fault—for the record, it is not.
What I like about this piece is that it talks about how this toxic work culture is also impacting men, who fare better but are being more and more impacted. Men today want time with their kids, more are getting involved in things at home that women used to handle alone. Men are stepping in to help aging parents and backing up their wives when a child is sick, school is closed or there is some crisis that requires someone be at home and away from their workplace.
Ms. Slaughter talks about the book, “Opting Out” by Pamela Stone. Ms. Stone calls this problem for women a “forced choice.” After all if part time hours, telework and flexibility are denied, it leaves a women to making choices she does not want to make regarding work, but must do to take care of her first priority, her children. For women who live close to the poverty line, if they miss work due to a home emergency, they lose pay and risk getting fired. They also have trouble getting a guaranteed number of weekly work hours and are at the mercy of how an employer works to save money. Since women increasingly contribute to the family income, this is a problem for everyone. When they earn less, it directly impacts their ability to help support their children and lifestyle. Fathers are then under greater stress as they look for ways to make up for this loss.
Some well- known tech companies are making changes in maternity and paternity leave and this is a great first step. Ms. Slaughter says that with 57% of women in the workforce, we will need to make changes. She talks about good quality, affordable child care, part-time and flexible work schedules, job protection for pregnant workers, paid family and medical leave, and better training and pay for professional caregivers, among others. There are a few states who have done some things and proposals for doing more, but they can’t come soon enough.
If you are a young person who aspires to marriage/children/professional success—this is what you will face. If you are already there, speak up, especially when it comes time to vote for representatives who value what you do. There is no such thing as having it all, but with the right supports in place, we can all have some of everything we want and are willing to work for. We just can’t have it all at once.
