Something we enjoy doing each week is to pull out the quotes that we think are the best from each True Blood episode. The criteria for a quote to make our list is that the it must stand on it’s own when taken out of context.
Our FAVORITE quote from each of the two episodes are below in “BOLD.” If you have a favorite that is not listed below, feel free to tell us your favorite in the comments below!
Eps, 5 “Lost Cause” – Best Quotes
Pam to Willa: We have bigger f*ckin’ problems than your mommy and our daddy issues.
Pam to Willa: Like being kicked in the cooch by a wallaby, isn’t it?
Ginger to Eric: I have been your sex slave for 15 years, Eric Northman, blow job, hand job, nothing. Do you know what a sex slave is without the sex? Now you are taking me to Dallas and if ou can’t fuckin’ take me then you had better fuck me before you go.
Sookie: Death is inherently sad.
Lafayette: We’re going to fill it up so we can say fuck you to death and hello to life. That’s what we’re doing, we’re saying hello to life.
Bill to Sookie: My mother always told me it was ungentlemanly to show up to a gatering empty handed so I brought you these.
Amber to Eric and Pam: You’ll never get in. Security is going to be tight and they only invited assholes.
Eric to Amber: You don’t know us sweethearts, and we can be assholes.
Arlene to Jane and Holy: Well, ladies, we dodged a bullet.
Jane: I’m going to finally get my shit together, starting tomorrow.
Bill to conferedates: This is a lost cause the Yankees have better artillery and more sophisticated weaponry than we do, scorch our lands and our livelihoods.
Alcide’s father to Sookie: My boy died a hero, but you can’t have a hero without a righteous cause.
Andy to Jessica: Did it ever occur to you that you torturing yourself over my girls keeps that pain alive for me, too?
Andy: Life is too precious to always be looking backwards, I’m lookin’ forward.
Arlene: When it comes to loving and man and losing him, it don’t matter how it happens.
Arlene: You never get over the loss of someone you love, you just learn to live with it.
Pam: Oh My God, I’m a Republic*nt!
Eric: I’m gonna die Pam; you have to accept that.
Sookie to Keith: You might want to “die down your sexy a notch.”
Arlene: I have to go make tinkle because you know, I am a human.
Jason about James: You mean with all that sensitive musician shit, it never occurred to you that he might be gay?
Lafayette to Jessica: Has it ever f*ckin occurred to you that Lafayette, that queen that make all you white hetro-sexuals laugh and feel good about yourselves; has it ever f*cking occurred to you that I maybe I want a piece of happiness, too? If you don’t love him, let him go and I will take over from here.
Bill to Sookie: You’d done more in these last several days than I’ve managed to achieve in decades. “Mainstreaming.”
Sookie: Bill, thank you for seeing me the way I can’t see myself sometimes.
Lafayette to Lettie Mae: You stabbed somebody auntie, that’s why people think you’re crazy!
Jessica: Oh Jason, I think you might just be the sweetest man in the world.
Pam: Of all the horrible things I’ve seen in the last 100 years this has to be the most disturbing.
Sarah: I’m not a monster, I’m a buddhist.
Bill to Caroline: You are my first and only true love.
Eps, 6 “Karma” – Best Quotes
Eric to Pam: Our first sunrise together!
Lafayette to Lettie Mae: James is a vampire, now don’t get any bright ideas to take a cleaver to him during the day.
Violet to Jason: When I tell you that your mine, I realize that I forgot to tell you that I’m yours.
Pam to Eric: This is bullshit. I imagined my death many times, but I never thought I’d meet the sun in some place with wall to wall carpet.
Mr. Gus: The sun is going to rise in three minutes and you’re gonna fry like eggs on Texas asphalt.
Eric: Sarah Newlin killed my sister and when I find her I’m gonna wrap my hands around her neck and snap her little blonde bobble head the right off.
Pam: Sarah Newlin’s gonna have the last f*ckin’ laugh shopping at parties and having a manicure if you two can’t stop measuring your dicks and make a f*ckin’ deal.
Nicole to Sam: This town is fucking crazy, You, you’re the mayor of crazy.
Jason to Jessica: BIll Compton is one tough mother fucker. Now, he’s gonna beat this thing. Hell, he was a bonafide vampire God about six months ago.
Arlene to Holly and Andy: You two got yourselves a sticky situation. You’d better deal with it quick before your grandkids are your step grandkids too. It’s the birds and the bees Holly, its the fact of f*ckin’ life.
Arlene: Shit happens Holly; you clean it up.
Holly: If the faery shoe fits.
Arlene to Holly and Andy: Shut your pie holes.
Arlene: These two kids are teenagers, they’ve got hormones poppin’ out everywhere highjacking their brains. It is a miracle they didn’t sleep together sooner.
Sookie to Jason: We don’t know how much time we’ve got left; doesn’t seem worth it to spend it with someone you don’t love.
Kapnek to Bill: The state doesn’t recognize progeny as a legal distinction.
Kapnek to Bill:: Law is a moving target and with this worldwide pandemic the government’s looking into ways to take advantage. Lots of dead vampires and they’re seizing assets.
Bill to Kapnek: I don’t have that kind of time; I’m dying.
Bill to Kapnek Are you trying to extort me?
Kapnek to Bill: It’s a seller’s market Mr. Compton; why not use some of those book proceeds.
Kapnek to Bill: They sell anti-glamouring contacts at the Wallgreens now,
Bill to Kapnek: You are a vulture like those men that I watched picking the pockets of dead soldiers and prying fillings from their mouths.
Kapnek to Bill: Don’t lecture me on greed Mr. Compton. I sit here night after night listening to you vampires whine about what a bum hand you’ve been dealt, but you’ve had 100, 200 or 500 more years to amass your fortune to spend eternity feasting off the whole human race? Sorry, but cry me a river. Excuse me for using what little time I have on the planet to make some cash.
Andy: I promise to keep my emotions in check for a more productive discussion.
Sarah to Amber: That was a different me, that was Sarah Newlin. I’m literally a different person now. My name is Noomi and Amber, I really am a new me.
Sarah to Amber: I needed to find a place where Sarah Newlin didn’t exist and it was there that Sarah Newlin didn’t exist.
Sarah to Amber: I was put on this people to help people. What I was looking for I found from within. I am a buddha, you are a buddha, we’re all of us a buddha.
Sarah to Amber: There was an anecdote Amber, and I drank it. Everything has all come full circle. The past doesn’t matter anymore, the future doesn’t matter, this is our now. I am the antedate; sweetie, let me heal you.
