Dating Magazine

Trolling - a Guide for the Socially Awkward.

By Madmel @melmo72
Sharing my less than stellar dating history with the world via my blog has yielded an unexpected fringe benefit; the renewal of my desire to go out and rectify matters.  With this aim in mind, I called my friend Corrina to see if she wanted to join me.  Having just moved house, and unable to get a sitter for an angry teenager forcibly bereft of his Internet access for two weeks, she found the idea of sitting down to watch a movie and falling asleep in a puddle of her own drool far more appealing.  Just as I was about to start stockpiling Tim Tams and curl up in a lonely, pathetic ball, it occurred to me that I could always fly solo.  A mental picture of myself drinking alone at a bar like the horsey cousin at a super model's wedding soon put paid to that notion, so I asked myself, are pubs and clubs the only places to meet men?
A quick Internet search soon provided the answer, praise Google.  There were several blogs on the subject, but one in particular grabbed my attention.  It was written by a man, for men, but the basic social principle behind it wasn't gender specific.  The author advised his readers to steer clear of pubs, clubs and (ugh) speed dating events, reasoning that they were the sorts of social settings already full to bursting with bigger and better competition.  Good point.  The intriguing part was his choice of alternative venues.  Seems that meeting new people is as easy as going up to them at the car wash, at the video store, or in your own street and asking for directions.  Ineptitude as icebreaker?  The article went on to say that, should you manage to strike up a conversation, ask the person out.  If not, move on.  Simple.  Then scenarios started playing out like Cohen brothers movies in my mind.
My local car wash sits on the corner of an extremely busy intersection.  Most of the cars I see being washed there are either kitted out gravel grinders or family friendly four wheel drives.  My choice of potential suitors, therefore, would be limited to Dad's on their way to pick up the kids from school (in which case I'd look like a reject from Ashley Madison, and risk incurring the wrath of the twenty or so soccer mums in their car pool), or guys who were still being weened onto solid food when I graduated from high school. 
Take two.
I'm a big movie lover, so finding a guy to talk to at the video store would be a no-brainer, were it not for the fact that I'm banned from my local video store for life due to an unpaid late fee that I'm still disputing/avoiding.  Not to worry, I can always go to a store where they sell movies...and spend a thrilling evening flipping through the titles by myself because all the smart people download these days.  
Take three.
I live on a very long street, populated largely by nuclear families and students share housing.  Were I to walk up and down, in my best dressy-but-casual gear, armed with a confident attitude and a smile, and actually manage to find someone to talk to, their opening line would either be: 'I'm quite happy with my electricity provider, thank you,' or, 'How much for a bag?'  
Maybe I am being negative.  Tell you what, if anyone has any suggestions for better locations, put them in the comment section, or send me an email, and I'll give them a try...just so long as they're not likely to end in grievous bodily harm or arrest.  

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