Love & Sex Magazine

To Affair Or Not to Affair, That is the Question . . .

By Barbarajpeters @CouplesAuthor

These days, extramarital affairs appear to be rampant. Why? Simply because it feels so very good when one first steps outside the bounds of what he or she sees as an emotionally void relationship.

To affair or not to affair, that is the question . . .People love the heady sense of euphoria an affair brings; some are intoxicated by the secret thrill an affair encourages. Both men and women want to feel desired, appreciated and romanced. They want to escape the everyday humdrum filling their lives. This is why a seemingly innocent flirtation can so easily lead to an affair. It’s pure escape.

Affairs have to feel good or people wouldn’t go to all the trouble to have them. And trouble it is!

Infidelity can and will cause major turmoil within our own psyche as well as our relationship. It can break up marriages and bring devastation to families, not to mention the financial ramifications of divorce if that’s the end result.

In my couples therapy practice I’ve found affairs often grow out of unmet needs and tend to rush forward because an individual has poor coping mechanisms to filter intimate challenges. People are easily influenced by praise and compliments, making their egos soar. Often those who enter affairs are selfish, getting caught up in immediate gratification without thinking about others, specifically friends and family, who will be affected and impacted by their actions. 

Don’t believe for a minute that the circle surrounding a couple won’t be affected by an affair! The two people in an affair’s whirl of lust and secrecy are living in a fantasy world if they think their actions won’t have far reaching consequences.

Many times affairs are romanticized and are given top billing in books and movies, but affairs also lead to turmoil with very few happy endings. So why have them? Is the immediate and fleeting gratification enough to risk long term consequences?

Before flinging yourself into an affair, ask the question, “Where’s the escape going to lead me?” Are stolen and fleeting moments of unexpected happiness, sexual satisfaction and emotional sustenance worth it? Are they even real?

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