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Titanic II: It’s Not Just a Bad Movie Anymore

Posted on the 27 February 2013 by Kzawadzki @kzawadzki
The reconstruction of the RMS Titanic. The blu...

The reconstruction of the RMS Titanic. This was just for the James Cameron movie – an Australian billionaire wants to rebuild it, for real. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Australian billionaire Clive Palmer announced plans to finance the Titanic II.

No, it’s not just a terrible direct-to-DVD movie anymore (watched it on Netflix - it was even worse than I expected, both plot- and production-wise).

It’s actually going to be a ship. A full-fledged replica of the original that went down in the frigid North Atlantic 1912. (I don’t have to tell you the history of what happened).

According to the USA Today article, he has not said how much it will cost to build, furnish, etc. – but he said it was “the ship of dreams.” Umm, well, for one thing, he stole that line from James Cameron’s 1997 epic - old Rose said this as she began reminiscing about the voyage, turning the epithet on its head by calling it a “slave ship, taking (her) back to America in chains” (in case you haven’t seen the film, I’ll spoil one part of its plot: she was to marry the arrogant son of some industrial millionaire to save her family from bankruptcy).

Which brings me to another lil’ issue I have here… This is an exact replica, right? On the outside, as well as in? I mean, I know on modern cruise ships there are certain staterooms and cabins that are better-placed than others, and with different amenities and all, but is Mr. Palmer planning to have a similar, draconian separation of first-, second- and third-class passengers? Will there be a Rose from haughty first class sneaking off into the bowels of the ship to dance the Irish jig with charming Jack from poor but spirited steerage? Will third-class cabins have Internet access? Dial-up, perhaps?

Not to mention that this seems to just ask for really bad karma and some might even say it dances on the icy graves of 1,500+ people who lost their lives that fateful night. (Though, I guess you could say that perhaps that ship [pun intended] has sailed, given that there have been many fictional books and movies that made a lot of money off the mysteries, fantasies and drama of the event.)

Other than that, though, how realistic is this, just as a business thing? I mean I’m sure that there will be people who will pay through the nose because they have the resources to get a ticket on the maiden voyage (some, surely, just to experience the facsimile of pre-jet-age, overseas travel with the glitz and glamour of first-class). But after that, the novelty will surely wear off.

I mean, had the original Titanic made it to port, it still would’ve taken a week – a whole week – to get from point of origin to final destination.

Close-up shot of Cameron's nude Rose sketch wi...

I doubt there will be a penniless artist sneaking over to first class to sketch nudies of unhappily-engaged socialites on the Titanic II. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In 1912, people had all the time in the world if they needed to move from one continent to another – and it’s not just that they were willing to pay the price and take the time, but it was pretty much the only way for them to do so.

If that business model still worked on the high seas, the ads for Carnival Cruise Lines and whatever other cruise companies are still around would be much different – as it is, they focus and promote the vacation, fun and entertainment aspect of exotic cruises.

See, although “My Heart Will Go On” still sticks in my memory, nobody travels by ocean liner anymore.

Unless they’re on a pleasure or vacation cruise and they aren’t actually trying to get from A to B. If you need to jump the big pond today, there’s this little thing called an airplane. And it’s not only faster but probably cheaper.

And the recent spate of misfortunes to hit cruise liners recently, from the Costa Concordia off the coast of Italy to the glorified waste dump that became of the Carnival Triumph floating in the Gulf of Mexico are sure to put a whole slew of people off the idea of getting on a ship and being stranded on it for days on end if shit really hits the fan like it did on the Triumph.

So, sea travel, it’s just not happening anymore. It’s just not sexy. This isn’t bringing sexy back.

The Titanic II is going to be a novelty cruise – and that’ll be it. At some point, the novelty will wear off and they’ll either have to lower prices to a point where it’s barely breaking even, or they’ll just have to convert it into a more stationary museum of sorts, shipping off to another port only periodically.

Unlike previous Titanic films, Cameron's retel...

Ummm… yeah… Let’s hope this DOESN’T happen this time around. (photo credit: Wikipedia)

And, in any case, the whole project and building and naming it the same as the original doomed liner – you just have to say, “hmm, geee, I wonder what could go wrong with this?”

Regardless of how safe it is, or whether it’s in bad taste or not, I predict that it’s just not going to work long-term.

But hey, if Clive Palmer wants to burn through his own money, that’s up to him, right?

I wonder if Celine Dion will be a guest performer.


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By Nick Howells
posted on 19 August at 10:18

You clearly have not read into the Titanic II one iota. If you had, you would know that there is not going to be any modern technology on board, as far as TV's and Computers go, so there will be no WiFi. The maiden voyage costs are actually in the $700k plus mark, so, not 'probably', definitely more expensive than air travel, much more. Palmer has started the Blue Star line, with the Titanic II being the flagship, so there will probably be other ships operating under the business too. The Titanic II will get just as much ongoing business as ships like the Queen Elizabeth gets, if not more