‘Tis Was The Night Before A Long Awkward Pause Christmas
And all through the office
Not a creature was stirrin’
Except for the janitorial guys
Gridlocked in a caucus
BrainRants had hung the stockings with military precision
While Monk Monkey flung his poo without any ambition
Blogdramedy looked at herself in the mirror with awe
Chris was wondering if she was wearing a bra
Then what to the weary Pausers should appear
Santa? Elf on a Shelf?
No, it was Justin in long johns
With the flap open in the rear
Calahan exclaimed without any delight,
“You’re not the real Santa! This is not right!”
“Ho ho ho,” said Justin with merry. “I have a surprise here…”
And out popped Oma dressed as a reindeer.
Outside the world was quieted in a new blanket of snow
Until Chowderhead burst through the door
With a newly minted hoe
“Merry Christmas to all, somebody grab me a jack and a coke!” Chowder screams in Justin’s ear.
“Oh, and any imported six pack of the finest of beer.”
Justin snorted and belched, and scratched his hiney,
And then grabbed a bag full of goodies and a bag full of money
He reached into it deep, and jiggled and wiggled,
Coughed and sneezed and laughed and giggled
“I have presents for all, and all have presents,
This rhyme turned Dr Suess for a real quick second!
For BrainRants a new machine gun
To polish and shoot things,
It’s what he calls fun!
For Mike Calahan, a big pogo stick
So he can get away from his fans,
Lickedy split
For John of Wrong Hands, a pencil or two
Which isn’t good for a webcomic,
Who the hell knew?
For Blogdramedy, six new pair of sunglasses
To hide her eyes from peering at men’s asses
For Christopher a topless magazine
Which I’m sure you will hide in your office with…
A self imposed quarantine
For Monk Monkey, a new tail warmer
To replace the one you left in the corner
For Cordelia a big bucket of wine
I don’t know what brand, but I’m sure that it’s fine
For Chowderhead, a big fancy car
It doesn’t have an engine though
I picked it up at the Dollar Bazaar
For Oma, a Japanese toy robot
I don’t know how it works
But it came with a flowchart
For Jack and Joe, whose podcast doesn’t debut until next month
Two free movie tickets,
And an all you can eat brunch
And for myself, what would be prudent?
But a new pair of long johns
With a picture of Wolverine
My least favorite mutant.”
Justin packed up his bag and went to his desk,
“Merry Christmas to all…
Click the Like Button…
Click the Follow Button…
And screw all the rest!”
Merry Christmas From The Long Awkward Pause Team
BrainRants – Cordelia - Calahan – C. De Voss – Gawel – Monk Monkey – Omawarisan – Wrong Hands – Blogdramedy – Gantz – Chowderhead – J. DeVoss – Jewett
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