I feel like I’m saying the same thing over and over this year, whether I like the film or not. where is the score? Where is the soundtrack? A few films this year have these really lackluster scores that feel like cheap placeholders for an early screening of the film before there’s a finished product, but yet, they remain. the lack of a bombastic thrilling score is just one of the many problems of Thrash, the new netflix original which boldly asks the question: “What if Netflix had made Sharknado?”
And what if indeed. Apparently, they would have hired the director of Dead Snow, and found Oscar nominee Djimon Hounsou (who will apparently say Yes to anything) to make this dreary, idiotic, and incoherent mess. Does every shark film need to live up to the impossible bar of Jaws? Of course not. Jaws is a once in a lifetime moment. but after that, I’ve enjoyed silly shark movies like deep Blue Sea, inventive survival thrillers like The Shallows, and creative restructuring like last years Dangerous Animals. You can take the bite out of the shark, but you can’t take the shark out of the bite.
So a film like thrash, which is set in a fictional South Carolina town for no reason at all, and yet was filmed in Australia, despite the filming that happens in Georgia and Wilmington, North Carolina, they made a film that should look like the Carolina’s in Melbourne. I’m sure they pulled that off. But, they are a bunch of silly adults who ignored a category 5 hurricane, only to watch their levees break and flood their town inviting a pack of bull sharks and a pregnant Great White into their town. To make matters worse, a truck full of meat crashes, so the flood waters become like a meat sauce.
This is not supposed to be a smart film. Much like how Netflix approximates the vibe of a Hallmark Christmas film, or even Hallmark original shows, they are trying to pull off The Asylum, but with a budget, and a director. but the point of films like that is they don’t take themselves so seriously. This has no lead up, no build, no thrills, and just is some weird shark thing that exists. It makes very little use of the actual hurricane, except to flood the city. Hurricanes are destructive in and of themselves, but like Sharknado, the focus is on sharks, and they swim everywhere. They swim through front doors, into homes, wherever a cast member is. The main cast includes a very pregnant woman, and a group of kids who end up with explosives for some reason.
A critic shouldn’t like this, unless they believe the dumb fun outweighs itself, like a so bad it’s good situation. I’v had a few of those, and honestly, I would rather watch Sharknado again than this. When you start trying to pretend you’re something you’re not, yet still offer us lacking characters, a non-existent plot, and nonsensical kill sequences, you are the thing you’re trying not to be, and the serious tone is clashing with what should be a campy good time.
The audio description by Roy Samuelson is fine, and there are plenty of moments worth highlighting. from the kids trying to stay on counters and not fall into the water with the sharks, to looking down with a light on your head to see a shark move past you, and some lightly gory moments, Roy had plenty to describe.
but the film isn’t fun. It isn’t even fun to make fun of. The cast is competent, casting an Oscar nominee didn’t hurt. The runtime is short, but we are too concerned with getting out in under 90 minutes that we forgot an actual plot. Under Paris, which is not technically a good film, is a lot more fun, because it seemed to understand the assignment. It also tried to have a plot. My reaction to a new Netflix shark film shouldn’t be “I wish this was under PAris 2. I wonder if they’ll ever make a sequel. They probably should have made Under PAris 2 instead of this.”
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, Netflix answers the call with a version of Sharknado that is somehow worse, less fun, and has no bite to it.
Rotten: 3.1/10
