Diaries Magazine

Those Dirty Lil Secrets

By Brenda @PibblesNHeathen
Yes, we all have them. Don't even try to LIE your way out of it. Whether big or small, we all have skeletons in our closets, under our beds, and sometimes.....in our panties. :)


Secret (Photo credit: val.pearl)

What I'm about to tell you, not many know. Not even my hubs. Am I proud of myself? No, not really. Am I ashamed? In some ways, but not totally. Here's what happened....
Back in my early 20's, I was engaged to be married. Now, I had been in a really bad, abusive, dysfunctional relationship for a couple years. It went sour, I escaped carrying all the financial and emotional baggage. This was a guy my father despised with a passion. After having to move home at the end of this dysfunctional relationship, I swore to dad I would find a nice guy.
I did. We dated, swooned each other, hung with the same friends, dad LOVED him. Things progressed and next thing ya know, we're planning a wedding. Now, this guy (great guy btw) was the exact opposite my previous rebel. That didn't work so this one had to. 
All the wedding planning.... yada yada yada. I big church wedding! Woohoo! Awesome. Well, not quite so...... about a month or so prior to my wedding, some flirtation was going on at work. Not by one man, but two. And yes.................... here's a lil hint.... they were both married, with kids.

College bar band

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well the lil flirtation went to drinks at the local bar after work (yes, my fiance worked a day and night job) and talk of my impending wedding and their marriage. Mind you, I'm early 20's and wild as hell! I was told by one of the men, they were leaving their wife. We developed a lil relationship (nothing sexual, hell, I was getting married) :) . 
On the night of my bachelorette party (the weekend prior to my wedding), it was small and this one man came to it. We were all out drinking, partying, one thing lead to another and we were at someone's house. The KISS happened! Oh no! I can't be this person! I'm getting married!
One thing lead to another, I called the wedding off, broke a man's heart, secretly moved out on our home, and got an apartment. Oh gosh, what web I wove! 
Now, having my own place AND FANCY FREE, I started a relationship with a married man! Yes, tell me ladies....I am WHITE TRASH! I know, I know, how horrid I am. BUT, partially in my defense, he said he was leaving his wife and that they had not had SEX in months.
Not only did I have relations with one married man, BUT TWO! AND THEY WERE FRIENDS! Omg, my drunken 20's! Needless to say, I truly am ashamed of myself cause I am better than that. But, after living a shelter childhood, fresh out on my own, and living life on the wild side............. I did it. And not just once, but twice. 
I am sorry for doing it. It was horrible. The guys, despite their sex appeal, passion, good jobs, etc..... were trash as well. I'm glad I learned from those TWO lessons, as the one who swore he was leaving his wife........... didn't (at least not for me). 
What I did learn is, how shitty what I did was YET I also knew that my soon-to-be husband, was NOT the one for me. How could it have been if I was swooned by two MARRIED men? I am glad I called off the wedding, as at least, I did not cheat in my own married relationship. BUT I did something I am not happy nor proud about and will live with it the rest of my life.
Funny thing, I stumbled upon the one guy online. The one who said he was leaving his wife. And he did in fact, get divorced. When I asked him about it, he never answered. One can only assume, his habits continued after me and he got caught. :)
Moral of my story...... no matter the passion, the awesome sex, the promised made.... if it already has a ring on it...... RUN and RUN VERY FAST!!! THOSE DIRTY LIL SECRETS
Ok, commence with my lashings.............

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