Love & Sex Magazine

This Week’s Relationship Question? Is Your Relationship on Autopilot?

By Barbarajpeters @CouplesAuthor

In this modern age, lots of machines work on autopilot, meaning that they work without our having to put forth any effort. For example, one new vacuum cleaner putters around the house by itself. Although a lot of things today manage to work on autopilot, a relationship isn’t one of them. Without tending, a relationship goes adrift like an untied boat. Before you know it, you’re out to sea but your partner is still on shore.

Sometimes we get so buscouple in planey that we hope that our relationship will just keep up by itself. We’re busily going in one direction, but where is our partner? It is easy to become out of touch and lose sight of each other. Although life is hectic, both partners need to specifically make time to share activities with each other and communicate meaningfully each day. During this time, we confirm, by holding each other and discussing our feelings, that we’re both “on the same page” and headed in the same direction. We renew our closeness. It is from this closeness that we draw strength to go out into the world the next day.

What if some unforeseen complication arises? If you both give some of your undivided attention to each other each day, you will be better able to work out how to get around life’s unexpected roadblocks. But if your relationship has been set on autopilot, then the two of you will find it harder to adjust and more difficult to be resilient in times of trouble, because you won’t know how the other is feeling.

Relationships require work in order to be long and lasting. Fortunately, a lot of it is pleasant work!

  • Try something new that your partner has an interest in.
  • Share one of your interests with your partner.  
  • Each day, focus on the positive and enjoyable aspects of your partner.
  • Tell your partner thanks—often!
  • Identify the strengths of your relationship. Commit to building more.
  • Do kind and thoughtful things, such as brief notes of appreciation.
  • Find time to do social and recreational activities together.
  • Ask your partner’s opinion.
  • Express your love often through physical intimacy and sexual interaction.

While there is certainly nothing wrong with keeping the status quo, it may not be enough to build a more loving and lasting relationship. Shake it up! Do something different once in a while with each other, and don’t get so busy that you take each other for granted. Many divorces arise from lack of attention. Don’t let yours be one of them.


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