Earlier this year, we had X-Men 97, and I knew Deadpool and Wolverine was soon to be upon us. So, in some capacity, I rewatched every single film in this series. It would be nice, now that Disney and Marvel stand on the shoulders of something Bryan Singer started years ago, if they would just describe the entire series. Sadly, that isn’t the case. What had audio description, and what didn’t? What would my grades be? Check out this rundown, and a mini marathon.
X-Men (Disney Plus) No Audio Description
the original film is offered on Disney plus, and I also own the X-Men 1.5 DVD they released back in the day. As someone who grew up primarily an X-men franchise fan as a kid, when this happened, i was as excited as any Harry Potter fan for that first movie, or Star Wars fan has ever camped out before. This was my Waterloo. Rewatching it over and over, and the realization that the second film is actually better, reflects this grade. technically, without audio description, this is unwatchable.
Grade: A-
X2: X-Men United (Disney Plus) No Audio Description
Technically my favorite of the franchise, even if I would say that perhaps Logan is the achievement in filmmaking. X2 made me really want to see Pyro stay on the ship, so that he could become an X-Man who pulls away in the third film. that’s maybe the one change i would make to help his story. But this film is excellent, and oddly probably the reason I have a crush on Brian Cox. The additions here were a lot of fun, and Singer managed to make a better sequel because of the groundwork laid out in the first film. Again, technically unwatchable without audio description. A desert island film for me though.
Grade: A+
X-Men: The Last Stand (Disney Plus) No Audio Description
Brett Ratner’s flawed film was mired by politics, as Bryan Singer left to do Superman Returns, and FOX made a stupid decision regarding James Marsden. A few cool new additions, and some interesting fight sequences made this better on rewatches, but you can’t help but feel that Ratner didn’t know what to do with the Phoenix saga being rolled into a storyline about the cure.
Grade: B-
X-Men: first Class (BluRay( Media Access Group, Narrated By Miles Neff
Miles is the GOAT. I love a lot of the current narrators, but miles is always seemingly excited about anything he narrates, which fully pulls you in. I enjoy Matthew Vaughn’s take on the X-Men, and I think he rebooted it well. I wish I could see a Children Of The Atom version of the original class at some point in cinema before I die, with the original five on screen. Cyclops, Jean, Beast, Angel, and Iceman. But, we did get some fresh mutant choices with Havok and Banshee, and a completely different take on Mystique.
Final Grade: A-
X-Men: Days Of Future past (BluRay) Miles Neff
This didn’t have anything at the end, i just recognized his voice. i wish the Rogue Cut I had featured audio description, but it just had directors commentary. Again, another excellent film, because this one really did take an iconic X-men storyline and put it to use perfectly. We got to see a bunch of new mutants, from Warpath to a young Toad. And the fact that Singer managed to actually tie everything together, really should have indicated that we didn’t need more films.
Final Grade: A
X-Men: Apocalypse (BluRay) deluxe, Narrated By Aaron Mesa
And we slowly start slipping away. Is Apocalypse hot garbage? no. Michael Fassbender is really terrific in his little storyline. And, we do get to see Psylocke for the first time, which was a fantastic moment. but, a lot of this is just rushed. Phoenix should be a trilogy, and Apocalypse should be a trilogy. The problem is that the X-men universe has so many different characters and teams, that they should treat these films like Avengers style films, so they take place over the course of a few films. Apocalypse’s storyline is impossible to coherently put in one film. And it shows.
Final Grade: B-
X-Men: Dark phoenix (Disney Plus) with audio description
Hot garbage. Totally fails canon, and really makes Brett Ratner’s film look like an artistic achievement. Sadly, the end of the run of X-Men films as we knew them, but this is so misguided, I don’t even care.
Grade: C-
New Mutants (Disney Plus) Deluxe, Narrated By Jedidiah Barton
It isn’t perfect, but there’s a hint of what could have been. Randomly choosing a few mutants whose powers are hard to translate to screen to make a horror-esque X-Men film could have worked. They should have swapped some of these mutants for even more disturbing heroes like Chamber and Marrow, or even Skin.
Final Grade: B
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Disney plus) no audio description
Oh Jesus. Is there anything good about this? I would say Liev Schreiber playing a version of Sabretooth that actually speaks. That is interesting. Other than that? If you were ever sighted, and you were able to see Wolverine’s horrifically cartoonish CG claws that they couldn’t even manage to make look like the other films, you’d realize even the people making this knew it sucked.
Final Grade: D+
The Wolverine (Disney plus) No audio description
One of my favorite Wolverine storylines much improves his solo outing franchise, and showed that James Mangold was the guy to do this series right. This was just the warm up though. A solid entry, though just shy of greatness.
Final Grade: B+
Logan (Disney plus) with audio description
The audio description here is really good, I just have no notes as to who did it. But, this is the best crafted X-men film. The dramatic weight, the acting, Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart have never been better. one of the best films of its year, and like X2, would likely be in my Top 100 of all time. I just need to watch this more to truly consider it a desert island film.
Grade: A
Deadpool (Digital Copy) with audio description
The first film is that message from Ryan Reynolds that everything is going to be OK. He was the right person for the gig, in the wrong movie. He fought hard for this, and the origin story of Deadpool was really strong, and created his own little cast, his Deadpool family. Excellent.
Final Grade: A
Deadpool 2 (Digital Copy) Deluxe, narrated by Jedidiah Barton
And then, the sequel comes along, and that X-Force sequence is legendary. Again, like Logan, I feel like this will eventually be a desert island film, as I think this one builds on an already perfect first film, but I just need to see it more. I really hope the new Disney version of this series doesn’t completely abandon Cable and Domino.
Final Grade: A
Next up…. A review of Deadpool and Wolverine
