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The Wizard: Or as We Liked to Call It in College: Product Whoring 101

By Bolanrox

http://schmoesknow.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/contests-pic-3.jpgWhat we have here is a 90 minute commercial for the Nintendo Entertainment System. I am talking about, of course, the Wizard. At its simplest it’s like Rainman or Tommy for video games or something.

Honestly the plot is some really heady shit for its target audiences (I actually went to one of the first screenings of the movie for a friend’s Birthday Party, the ad’s didn’t end with the credits either, you got a flyer on the way out with a mini guide to the new game Shadowgate).

Let’s see, a kids twin sister drowned in the green river the prior year, leaving him basically catatonic the whole movie, only saying California over and over the death also broke up the family and had him locked up in a psych ward.

Though much like with Tommy, Rainman, or Hodor, this does give him some special powers, he ends up being a NES wizard.. Who knows his warps.

If that’s not enough for the pre teen market, they also use pedophilia as a way to get out of getting caught and brought home. What’s funnier that watching a bunch of truckers stomp some guy after a girl yells out that he touched her breasts? In the end all the kid wanted to do was to go see the giant Dinosaurs the family had visited to leave a picture of the family and a few mementos of his sisters in a place where she was happy..

This could have been an awful, in a good way, tear jerker.. but no this took product whoring to a whole new level. Micheal Bay probably watched this movie as a teen, and said I can do that… I can do that better! And really he has, except there is some movie stuffed in there in his case.

Let’s see, they show off the NES, Nintedo Power Magazine, the NES 900 number hint line, The POWER glove, the NES 10 pick arcade game featuring that god awful Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game, Rad Racer, Ninja Gaiden.


Since Universal Pictures put out this one, course in the epic conclusion is held at Universal Studios (which gets plenty of screen time as well) where it hosts: Video Game Armageddon: the US reveal of Super Mario Brothers 3.  OK that part was cool. SMB 3 and Shadow Gate are two of the greatest NES games ever…


So what do we drink when watching this one? Malta Goya.. What you think I would go with something alcoholic for this one.. Who do you think I am Spielberg? What movie do you think this is, ET? (and as far as I know they didn’t CG this bit out of if like they did the guns and stuff on the re release).


The Wizard: or as we liked to call it in College: Product Whoring 101

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