Health Magazine

The Weight Restoration Mindfuck

By Awildernesslovestory @dancelittlejean

I gained weight this week.  Not much.  Certainly not as much as if I were in PHP or residential or inpatient, where they expect you to put on multiple pounds each week.  My dietitian was, on the whole, unimpressed.

And me?  Well, let’s ask the two conflicting sides of my brain.

Rational Brain, what do you think of this weight gain?

This is good!  It’s still not even close to where you need to be, but it’s inching closer and it’s making progress.  And hey, weren’t you worried that you were going to have to eat more if you *didn’t* gain?

Eating disorder brain, what do you think about this weight gain?

Well, thank God it wasn’t more, you fat ass.  You’d better watch out or you’re not going to be able to fit through the doorway pretty soon.  Sure, it starts out with fractions, but then it becomes multiple pounds and then you’re fucked.  Do better, work harder kid.  You should still be losing at this stage in the game.  Or at least maintaining, you fucking idiot.

So, as you can see, gaining weight is wrong.  And right.  And good.  And horrible!  And all of these things at once!  My brain is tired and it’s only been 2 hours since my appointment.

I don’t want to eat any more.  I don’t want to gain weight.  I want to huddle in my room and cry over this small gain.  I want to run to the gym and burn off a few hundred calories immediately.

But weight restoration is good.  Vital.  Good.  Vital.  I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

Image

 

Don’t let the smile fool you.  It’s really hard to be happy about this sort of thing.


You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • Video: Climbing The Nose on El Capitan in Yosemite

    Video: Climbing Nose Capitan Yosemite

    Thanks to the recent speed record set by Alex Honnold and Tommy Caldwell, there has been a lot of talk about The Nose route on El Capitan in Yosemite recently. Read more

    The 19 June 2018 by   Kungfujedi
    OUTDOORS
  • Paper Fix | Pop-up Card

    Paper Pop-up Card

    greenhouse pop-up card | terrain Read more

    The 19 June 2018 by   Ofpaperandthings
    HOME, LIFESTYLE
  • Finding Your Own Yoga

    Finding Your Yoga

    by NinaKitchereeIf you carefully read the Yoga Sutras cover to cover and learn about what the eight-fold path really entails, you would realize—and maybe you... Read more

    The 19 June 2018 by   Ninazolotow
    FITNESS, HEALTH, HEALTHY LIVING
  • Bad Fruit is Bad

    Fruit

    Yesterday I wrote about the wind, meaning, the Spirit, blowing where it will. I wrote of how we can't see the wind at the time but we can see its effects. One o... Read more

    The 19 June 2018 by   Elizabethprata
    SOCIETY, SPIRITUALITY
  • Supermarine Seafire F.XV

    Supermarine Seafire F.XV

    @ Oshkosh, WI July 2010 My first Seafire sighting, seen at 2010 Oshkosh Airventure.  The number of articulating bits on this aircraft are certainly impressive. Read more

    The 19 June 2018 by   Htam
    PHOTOGRAPHY, SOCIETY
  • The Eyecicle • Temperature Cooling, Anti-Aging Beauty Device

    Eyecicle Temperature Cooling, Anti-Aging Beauty Device

    Facial massagers have become a popular beauty buy of late and even though they have been around for years and used in many a facial treatment, they have become... Read more

    The 19 June 2018 by   Kellilash
    HAIR & BEAUTY, LIFESTYLE
  • Karakoram Summer 2018: Individual Expeditions to Keep an Eye On

    Karakoram Summer 2018: Individual Expeditions Keep

    Yesterday we shared a few updates from the Karakoram about the current status of a few teams that have already started to arrive on their respective mountains. Read more

    The 19 June 2018 by   Kungfujedi
    OUTDOORS