I’ve been on and off anti-depressants for the past 6.5 years. It was never my intention to start taking medication to control my anxiety and depression but I reached a point at that time in my life when nothing else was working. I was overweight, depressed, and didn’t feel a “zest” for life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking medication but it scared me, if we’re being honest.
But counseling wasn’t working.
I had no motivation.
I just couldn’t get out of the rut.
So I decided to start taking something to help me deal with it. It was something I took everyday and for awhile, it made me feel great. I was on it until I got pregnant and then had to taper off of it. And to be honest, I don’t remember it being that hard.
Recently, I decided they weren’t doing what they were supposed to be doing anymore. I felt worse, more depressed, and just blah. I just wanted everything out of my body so I could start fresh and try and do things a more natural way. So I decided to go off of them.
I don’t have a doctor here yet so I decided to just wean myself off of them on my own. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Well same goes for medication like this. And I knew that. So for the past two weeks, I’ve been cutting the pills, marking down what I was taking, and then was just off of them completely.
Well apparently two weeks was not enough time. After two days without the medicine, I felt like shit. I was disoriented, dizzy, nauseous, clammy, and felt like I had the flu. I laid in bed most of Saturday and just still felt terrible when I woke up from a nap.
At first I thought I was just getting sick but then it hit me… I was going through withdrawal. Of course I went to Google and yup, sure enough I was having withdrawal symptoms. So I decided to start taking the medicine again and then consult a doctor about how to properly come off of it.
My body really doesn’t know what to think right now. I’ve been so emotional, on edge, and cranky, and I know it’s because I’ve messed with my mind and body. So once I get back to some balanced level of normal, I plan to talk to a doctor about coming off of them.
The truth about anti-depressants? It’s a love-hate relationship.
They can make you feel better.
They can make you feel worse.
They can make you gain weight.
They can make you lose weight.
They can make you sleep too much.
They give you insomnia.
You’re scared to take them.
You’re scared to stop taking them.
The struggle is real, I can promise you that. But if I’ve learned anything over the past few weeks, it’s that doctors know best. And even when I thought I knew what I was doing… I didn’t.
You never really know how you’re going to feel when you take medication. And that’s scary, isn’t it? Which is why it’s super important to consult a doctor, when going on or off any medicine.
There’s nothing wrong with needing to take anti-depressants. I’m a huge advocate for mental health and believe that different things work for different people. So don’t ever feel bad about taking medicine or needing to find a way to cope with your anxiety and depression.
Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t need the medicine and that you “worry” for no reason. Don’t take it personally when someone tells you to “calm down” or doesn’t understand that you can’t make a decision, small or large. Anxiety and depression are tricky and hard to understand and only you know your body and what it will take to make you feel like yourself.
So if you’ve been there, give me advice. And if you haven’t, know that you’re not alone. Mental health doesn’t need to be as taboo as the world sometimes makes it out to be. And the only way to educate others on the topic is to talk about it. So feel free to do so below
