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The Top 20 Simpsons Quotes to Use in Conversation

Posted on the 15 December 2012 by House Of Geekery @houseofgeekery

Today is important. It’s the fifth wedding anniversary of myself, G-Funk, and our hard working editor Doctor Funk. For that reason we’re doing something more personal today. Doctor Funk and I found out a decade ago that we both loved The Simpsons and would drop quotes in conversation whenever possible, to the point that many phrases have become part of our everyday vernacular. This has become so commonplace in our home that we’ve become concerned about Funk Jr and Littlest Funk developing some unusual verbal communication problems.

Out of all the commonly used Simpsons‘ quotes used in our home, these are our favourites, in no particular order.

“I have no dog.”

- ‘Old Yeller Belly’

Just one of those classic over-the-top moments from Homer. After Marge recruits some Amish people to rebuild Bart’s treehouse the faulty wiring leads to the new structure catching fire with Homer trapped inside. He expects Santa’s Little Helper to come to the rescue but instead the dog runs away with a turkey, leaving the cat to save the day. When being interviewed on TV Homer shakes his fist at the camera and, venom dripping from every word, rejects the pooch.

old yeller belly

“It’s a perfectly cromulent word’.

- ‘Lisa the Iconoclast’

As we’ve all come to understand the humor in The Simpsons is not just the family but the town itself. It’s inhabitants are fabulously stupid and ignorant. In the defense of their town founder’s famous phrase involving the made-up word ‘embiggen’ the teachers reply that it’s a perfectly ‘cromulent’ word. Classic.


- ‘Bart’s Inner Child’

Homer spies an ad in the morning paper for a free trampoline and, well…

That work will never be pronounced correctly again.

“Maggie’s a mean drunk.”

- ‘Helter Shelter’

When the Simpson’s lose their house for the umpteenth time Homer’s first idea is to take shelter at Moe’s. Marge starts to get uncomfortable with this idea when she notes that Maggie is drunk of the fumes…and she’s a mean drunk! The image of Maggie swaying from side to side while taking a swing at Bart is brilliant comedy.

“Do I know what rhetorical means?”

- ‘Mother Simpson’

It works on so many levels! Classic Homer.

“[blank] like a fox!”

- Various Episodes

On more than one occasion the Homer switches out the word ‘crazy’ from the phrase ‘crazy like a fox’ for other words. ‘Stupider like a fox’ is pretty awesome, but the winner is…

“It’s cold and there are wolves after me.”

- ‘Cape Feare’

Such a small, throwaway line, but we’ve gotten heaps of mileage from it. Basically it gets used in the place of the real titles to The Day After Tomorrow and The Grey. Also whenever we’re feeling cold.

“It’s time to take out the trash.”

- ‘Krusty Gets Kancelled’

This is one of the early episodes that makes really, really great use of their guest stars. With Luke Perry (he used to be someone), Better Midler, Johnny Carson, Hugh Hefner, Elizabeth Taylor (spoofing her rumoured spat with Groening) and The Red Hot Chilli Peppers do not sound like a group of celebrities who’ll gel together but they really do. Surprisingly one of the best lines comes from Bette Midler.

Also fun is “oh no…Bette Midler” delivered as only Snake can deliver a line.

“…smiling politely.”

- ‘Homerpalooza’

Another awesome mash-up of celebrity guest stars featuring one of the best lines ever. In a quick-fire jab at some of the ridiculous band names that major acts used to put on tees. Confronted with Billy Corgan introducing himself as a member of The Smashing Pumpkins only for Homer to introduce himself as ‘smiling politely’. A great pair of words to add to the end of any statement.

Smiling politely

“Shut up, that’s why!”

- ‘The Computer Wore Menace Shows’

The Prisoner is hardly a current reference for The Simpsons to throw into an episode about Homer starting a website, uncovering a government conspiracy and being abducted and held captive on a ‘really weird island’. When Homer tries to escape a balloon rises out of the water and Homer pops it. When one of the wardens questions another about why they thought a balloon would stop them they respond with “shut up, that’s why!”

Just like that you have the perfect response to any situation.

“And that’s the end of that chapter.”

- ‘Homer to the Max’

So one day I bought a scarf…

“That’s not how I remember it.”

– ‘Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo’

Every now and then The Simpsons like to slip in a high-brow joke to keep people on their toes. One particular favorite occurs when the family are on their way to Japan and Homer is sulking. Marge reassures him that he’ll enjoy Japan because he liked Rashamon to which Homer claims that it’s not how he remembered it.

Oh, how I laughed. And a great response to any claim made ever.

“Hey jerkface, you’ve got the face of a jerk!”

- ‘Two Dozen and One Greyhounds’

Bart tries to incite a bully so he’s got a excuse to unleash his army of puppies. It’s not the smartest line, nor is it the funniest moment, but it is a snappy term to use when describing another driver who doesn’t know what they’re doing (most people in this city). Especially useful to have on hand when the kids are in the car.

“Oh, shazbot.”

- ‘Treehouse of Horror VI’

“Here comes something!”

“Remember the story…we’re newly weds on our way to Earth Capitol.”

Earth Capital

“Oh, shazbot.”

My favorite curse word that isn’t a word.

“Nobody likes Milhouse”

- ‘Lisa’s Date With Destiny’

Partly funny because it’s true, and partly a funny thing to drop into any situation where voices are getting raised.

“Twirling towards freedom!”

- ‘Treehouse of Horror VII’

Not only is this the greatest political speech ever delivered but a great way to give directions. Possibly it’s how Apple Maps gives directions.

“My secret shame!”

- ‘Burn’s Heir’

In one of those odddball moments that have nothing else to do with the rest of the episode this episode features a running gag about Homer secretly eating flowers. It’s first discovered when Mr. Burn’s reveals his security cameras in the Simpson house, and it later elaborated on when a trip to Belgium is mentioned culminating with Bart throwing flowers in Homer’s face. You’ll be surprised how often this can applied to every day situations.

“It’s still good! It’s still good!”

- ‘Lisa The Vegetarian’

Here’s an episode with plenty of quotable moments such as the ‘You Don’t Make Friends with Salad’ song. As vegetarians we can find Lisa’s attitude pretty infuriating, but her actions do lead to one awesome sequence where Homer tries to justify still serving up his pig regardless of what it goes through. The five second rule is moot when things are “still good!”


- ‘Homer the Smithers’

Have you ever had something not go as expected? Here’s how you respond.

Homer corn flakes


“I don’t know.”

- ‘Blood Feud’

Sometimes there’s some things that we don’t know. We could just say “I don’t know”, or you could say it like this:

“That’s a paddling.”

- ‘The PTA Disbands’

When the school PTA disbands and regular citizens are brought in to teach the classes. We get hippies talking about Woodstock, Professor Frink teaching pre-school and Jasper taking Lisa’s class. We only get one scene, but that scene involves Jasper outlining his rules and the one punishment: a paddlin. You know you’ve used it.

That's a paddlin

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