We just got home from the Blue Ridge mountains in North Carolina and a visit with my husband’s family. Reuniting with our brothers and sisters always reminds me of the broad range of emotions that weaves the family tapestry. And how the imprinted patterns and internal scripts impact us throughout our lives.
Like the sagas of Cain and Abel or Rachel and Leah, stories about sibling bonds fascinate us. Archetypal tales are interesting because relationships with our own brothers and sisters have a mix of love and rivalry, pride and resentment. And sibling rivalry with its complex feelings of guilt can lead to empathy, shame, even manipulation.
Think about the specific dynamics between you and your siblings and how they have played out over the years. It’s not unusual for kids to feel that mom had a favorite - what impact did this have on your family? And consider defines your relationships - birth order, personality, values, common interests, similar character traits?
Now look at what's going on between you and your siblings as your parents begin to decline.
The statistics are staggering. According to estimates from the National Alliance for Caregiving, 65 million Americans serve as family caregivers for an ill, disabled or aging relative. That's 29 % of the adult U.S. adult population involving 31 percent of all U.S. households. Some provide 20 hours of care a week and only 1 in 10 who get help from others think the care is split equally.
It’s difficult when you have to take time away from work and family. And then there’s the stress of caring for parents in decline. When faced with this kind of dilemma, many of us revert back to less adaptive attitudes and behaviors. Siblings can become inflexible and competitive instead of more collaborative when managing family problems. Clcik on ‘comments’ below and let us know how you’re managing. And log on here Wednesday for tips that may help you begin to sort things out.
