Going on vacation with your friends is a rite of passage. From clubbing in Ibiza to mud baths at Glastonbury, these experiences often form the basis of lifelong friendships. But as we get older and our calendars fill with romantic mini-vacations and family getaways, perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to relegate vacations with our friends to the past.
According to a study by Dr. William Chopik, psychologist and associate professor at Michigan State University, quality time spent with friends has a positive effect on our health, happiness and well-being. He analyzed data from 271,053 people in nearly 100 countries for a study in the journal Personal Relationships and found that while our relationships with both family and friends have an effect, it's the relationships with our partners that have the biggest impact later in life .
Another study from Harvard University showed that social connections have as much of a positive effect on our long-term health as getting enough sleep, a balanced diet and not smoking. It gave me the impetus I needed to put five of Dr. Chopik's findings to the test with a bunch of girlfriends in Tuscany (all in the name of science, of course).
1. Friendships become more important as we get older
Keeping a few really good friends makes a world of difference to our health and well-being. A recent milestone birthday gave me a reason to take five of my closest girlfriends to a luxury villa in the Tuscan hills to ring in the next decade in style. We stayed at Villa Chiantisol, a sprawling, honeyed stone pile on the edge of the village of Tavarnelle Val Di Pesa.
Within minutes the ladies had each chosen one of ten beautiful bedrooms - all rugged oak beams, terracotta tiled floors and rustic wooden shutters opening onto the famous view - and reconvened on the terrace for a first Aperol spritz. I looked around at the amazing women I had collected over decades and toasted my brilliant life choices. I began to understand what Dr. Chopik meant.
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2. Friendships have all the benefits of a relationship without the enormous size
It's smart to invest in the friendships that make you happiest. "How we behave with our friends is different from how we interact with family. That's because these are relationships of choice," says Dr. Chopik. "You choose to hang out because you enjoy each other's company." But it's important to invest in our friendships as much as we invest in our romantic relationships.
A holiday with friends is different from a holiday with a partner or family. Maybe it's the lack of duties, but a group outing is often more about relaxing and reconnecting than about discovery. One of the keys to success is not to over-plan, be flexible and remember that it is everyone's holiday.
My goal was to lounge by the pool, enjoy a rustic lunch in a vineyard, and enjoy some light strolling through a medieval hill town. Mary and Teresa were both excited to visit San Gimignano again, Hannah and Rhonda had never been to Florence, while Laura and Amy were happy as long as we always stuck to the aperitivo hour. We all had different ideas, but we were fundamentally on the same page about what we wanted from our trip.
3. Friendships increase our happiness and morale
As the old saying goes, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. Dr. Chopik's research found that those who put time and effort into maintaining friendships over the years felt happier and healthier.
"Spending this quality time with like-minded women was magical," Rhonda told me during the trip. "We are at an age where no one pretends anymore. We are all aware of our weaknesses and our neuroses, but a holiday like this means you have the space to have a heart-to-heart talk (interspersed with goofing off and acting like teenagers again, of course). It really is the best time."
After a wonderful afternoon of drinking Bellinis around the pool, we decided to head into Florence, 30 minutes away by car. The Renaissance city, a source of inspiration for the world's greatest artists, is home to Italy's best art galleries.
If we had ditched the Bellinis and arrived a little earlier, we could have visited Michelangelo's Accademia and David or seen Botticelli's The Birth of Venus at the Uffizi. Instead, we continued our exploration of the Italian aperitivo at Caffe Gilli in Piazza della Repubblica.
4. Spending quality time together can build emotional bonds
"In Italy we have a saying: 'il dolce far niente', the sweetness of doing nothing," revealed Lorenzo, owner of Casa Lucii, during our visit to his organic winery near San Gimignano. Sitting on the terrace overlooking the vineyard, sipping Lorenzo's chilled Spicchio rosé and nibbling on oil-soaked artichokes, I couldn't think of a better place to do nothing - or better people to do it with.
"Staying in touch with friends via text or social media is fine, but nothing replaces the face-to-face connection you can get when you get away together," says Dr. Chopik. "You can sit down, look them in the eye, have a real back-and-forth conversation and read each other's body language. They can see you and your facial expressions. You react emotionally to things. You don't always get that through a phone call."
Again, I agree with the Doc. Whether it was preparing lunch together or chatting around the pool, our little snapshots of friendship proved invaluable.
5. Investing in relationships comes with psychological and physical health benefits
The doctor says the quality of close relationships has been linked to healthier behavior and lower mortality. After the liters of Chianti and the troughs of prosciutto and pecorino we consumed during our week away, I'm not sure if healthy behavior is the right term. But the almost constant laughter has tightened my abs and formed a real six-pack.
"I had a blast," Laura said. 'It has done us all the power of good to spend enough time together. Although our lives have changed since we did maybe 25 years ago, this time together has strengthened our female friendships in a heavenly place.
On our last evening we had dinner in the town of Panzano at Antica Macelleria Cecchini, the beef restaurant of "the largest butcher in the world" Dario Cecchini. As the waiters handed out silky strips of seared carpaccio and slow-roasted cuts of steak, I topped up our glasses from straw-wrapped flasks of Chianti and toasted my beautiful gang of women - my secret weapon for the next half. century.
Essentials
CV Villas (020 7261 5400, cvvillas.com) has a week at Villa Chiantisol for up to 20 people from £10,529 (or £751pp), including easyJet flights from London Gatwick to Florence.
