Humor Magazine

The Saturday Six: When You Don’t Care Anymore

By Christopher De Voss @chrisdevoss
 saturday six

Some people fear getting old.

And some people can’t wait.

There are some nice benefits to it: discounts, retirement, early dinners, electric scooters, jello, being an extra on those Lifeline Medical Alert commercials, and most importantly, being able to say whatever-the-hell you want, when you want.

“Can you believe Bob just said that about people from South Sobia?! Really?! It was embarrassing! I hope a South Sobian wasn’t standing nearby!”

“It’s OK. Bob is old.

Which brings up the important questions…at what age are you aloud to say whatever you want, regardless of tact, creed, race, and/or religion?

Is there a certain self-censor brain cell that dies sometime after you turn 65?

And why is it kind of embarrassing, but kind of cute and liberating at the same time?

“Bob went off on the way that South Sobian’s think they deserve the world handed to the them on a silver platter again…”

“I know! He went on a tirade for 15 minutes! But…*whispers* He is kind of right!”

But there is one thing that helps when your favorite elderly person looses their self-censor brain cell that causes the mouth to tread where ever it chooses…

Ice cream.

Preferably strawberry ice cream.

A little strawberry ice cream and everything will be just fine.


Happy Saturday!

1. A Couple More Beers And Maybe Not


Omawarisan: Damn it grandma! Do you have any idea what that shirt is going to cost me in therapist fees?

Ned: Maybe it says “Virginian?” (That’s what I’m telling myself anyway)

List of X: This photo got a little less disturbing once I noticed that it says below that this is an old shirt. But then this photo immediately got much more disturbing once I noticed that the shirt looks pretty new.

2. Especially People At Farmer’s Markets…And Farmers


Omawarisan: Sum up all the hate you have for everyone, Gladys. It doesn’t match what your son-in-law thinks of you.

Ned: That looks suspiciously like a bathing top strap underneath. So I’ll take the shirt over the alternative.

List of X: I’m sure she’ll also hate me and my caption, so I’m not even going to try.

3. Just What Comicon Needs…More Gangstas


Omawarisan: Myrna, from the 305, representing.

Ned: If she’s lived this long She HAS to be tough with a mame like Kio Cookies.

List of X: No son, it’s not powdered sugar on the cookies.

4. Especially When They Are Crisp And New


Omawarisan: $40 if you wash your hands first.

Ned: Speaking of 20/20, I wish I’d gone blind before I saw this image. Thanks guys.

5. If They Can Still Get Them Up There…


Omawarisan: Wal-Mart’s low prices even drew the human footstool out of his condo. Speaking of Wal-Mart, is anyone else glad that Christmas is over so we don’t have to watch any more ads with that dude and Sabrina, The Over 30 Teen Aged Witch?

Ned: Hey… $20 is $20.

List of X: I’ve tried to assemble an IKEA couch and all I got is this stupid T-shirt.

6. We Didn’t Know Big Dick Left


Omawarisan: And he ain’t just swinging a briefcase.

Ned: I’m thinking he might’ve gotten his shirt mixed up with “Little Richard.”



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