Humor Magazine

The Saturday Six: Thrift Store Paintings

By Christopher De Voss @chrisdevoss
 saturday six copy

*singing* I’m going to pop some tags…got twenty dollars in my pocket…got kicked out of the thrift store for singing this song too much…my hair kinda makes me look like Roger from Doug…*done singing*

David Irvine is an artist on a mission to save bad paintings from their own wooded country road drippy selves. He is a modern day Andy Warhol by adding a little bit of pop culture to the otherwise drab Bob Ross knockoffs that you are used to seeing on your Grandpa’s den wall.

By the way, Grandpa bought that painting for $5 back in 1958 and it has hung proudly over his favorite farting chair ever since.

The same chair that you sometimes sit in and eat chips and dip.


Happy Saturday!

1. Fly Fishing?


BrainRants: Why would Spidey use a pole?  He could just zap stuff with his web.

Omawarisan: See! I’m telling you, those hats don’t look good on anyone.

List of X: A few years into his crime-fighting career, Spider-Man was bitten by a radioactive fisherman.

2. Pac-Monet


BrainRants: Actually, this is some of the original concept art for Pac Man.  They took out the art appreciation aspects because screw education.

Omawarisan: 10,000? That’s it? Come on! In the ’80’s, I saw a guy score 10,000 while he was having a seizure.

List of X: Pac Man is running some errands before going back to work.

3. The Dukes Of Van Gogh


BrainRants: Mr. Irvine aspired to be a set designer for Dukes of Hazzard.  His dreams were crushed by the low budget, mainly-outdoors sets, and daisy dukes.

Omawarisan: Is there a nickname for people named Lulham?

List of X: Unlike Van Gogh, this painter lost his ear in a car accident.

4. Angelic Spock And Bacon On A Doughnut


BrainRants: Dammit, De Voss, I told you over and over – no photos inside the house.  You’re not coming over again for a long time, buddy.

Omawarisan: Can you imagine how much it cost those kids to keep that cab waiting until this happened?

List of X: Rejoice, humans, Federation is here to save your bacon!

Hurry up, people, Lady GaGa is still waiting for her dress!

5.  Godzilla Eats Bob Ross’ House


BrainRants: Godzilla might eat Bob Ross’ house, but that WhiteFro of Bob’s will choke him out for certain.

Omawarisan: Residents of the Tanaka’s Pond region were not sure the economic benefits of being “The Official Spring Training Home Of Godzilla” were worth the destruction that ensued each year.

List of X: This is what happens when doesn’t thoroughly vet prospective renters for your lake cabin.

6. Stay Puff Chagall


BrainRants: “And with that, the French surrendered… again.”

Omawarisan: “Sacre bleu! What sort of gauche bastard wears white after 8?”

List of X: Who you’re gonna call? Ghostbusters! Only 99 cents a minute for international calls from France to the U.S.!



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