Humor Magazine

The Saturday Six: Playing With Your Food

By Christopher De Voss @chrisdevoss
 saturday six

The Food Network has been playing on the office TV a lot this month. BrainRants really likes that channel and well…we try not to mess with him or his TV time too much when he is in a good mood.

And he has been in a good mood! So we let him watch his channel!

On the Food Network they have been focusing on Thanksgiving foods…a given this month…but one particular variation of the classic Thanksgiving turkey has been featured several times.

The Turducken.

If you are unfamiliar with the Turducken, it is a deboned chicken stuffed into a deboned duck stuffed into a deboned turkey.


BrainRants dabbles in cooking. I really want him to make this for the office Christmas party. I asked him but so far all I got was a:

“I’m watching Bobby Flay. Go away.”

Which, believe or not, is a good sign that he will consider it.


Happy Saturday!

1. This Picture Brings Tears To My Eyes


BrainRants: I don’t care if the garlic has little googly eyes.  I love garlic.

Omawarisan: Why are they happy about this? I cut myself on one of those things once. It’s not fun.

The Hedonist: Dead Bulb Walking.

Ned: I’m a little disappointed in the bell peppers. They aren’t even trying to stop this.

2. He Was A Flake Anyway….


BrainRants: Was it murder or suicide?  Could the flake have lifted that spoon?

Omawarisan: Post mortem swelling of the body caused by interaction with lactose. I’d place the time of death at about 20 minutes ago. The killer left the murder weapon at the scene…

The Hedonist: Lactose intolerance, worst-case scenario.

Ned: Fine. I’ll go ahead and say what everyone is thinking: Cereal killer.

3. Kiwi It Clean


BrainRants: Don’t bother bro, she’s not gonna give you any.

Omawarisan: Kiwi are known to have tremendous range of motion in all their joints. They can reach any part of their bodies. Strangely, that holds true for kiwi birds too.

The Hedonist: Fruitscaping is so early 2000s.  Chicks dig lumbersexuals.

Ned: And I thought razor burn was painful on my neck…

4. Killer Carton



BrainRants: Like the garlic, eggs are for my belly.  Crack away.

Omawarisan: Unibrow egg!!! Get that shit trimmed, man.

The Hedonist:  ^Don’t worry, the kiwi will be here in a minute.

Ned: Eventually, everyone in the group began to crack.

5. Aaargh, me Mellow! Into The Marsh!


BrainRants: Pollute your caffeine with sugar if you will.  I’ll be over here in the corner with my 15th Irish coffee…

Omawarisan: Say parlay! Say it! Say it!!!

Ned: “I swear I never touched your wife! It’s only a coincidence your mini marshmallows look like me!”

6. Hold Me Closer Frosted Dancer…


BrainRants: At least it’s a Marilyn take and not Lindsay Lohan, Kim and her sidekick Weezy, or any of the other self-absorbed suckholes who do nothing and are somehow famous.  PS, Kim: A comet beat your ass (literally) on internet stats.  Science… it’s what’s for breakfast.

Omawarisan: Good bye Cupcake, from the young man in the 22nd row who sees you as something more than sexual…

The Hedonist: The windblown skirt is kinda sexy, but she basically has a muffin top.   

Ned: After losing her job as a hostess, Cupcake found work in stand-up telling zingers.



Facebook: Long Awkward Pause

Twitter: @LongAwkPause

Tumblr: Long Awkward Pause Mag

Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic

Would you like to see a topic discussed on LAP?  Click HERE.

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog