Halloween will be here faster than you know it. When most of the staffers at Long Awkward Pause were kids, the vinyl costume ruled the streets. This was the one where the mask was plastic and went around your head with an elastic band. While the costume itself, you stepped into like surgical scrubs, and it tied at the top.
Once either the elastic band or the costume’s ties broke, your whole costume was ruined…as well as your Halloween.
The only way to fix them was with duct tape…and then instead of Batman…you were Ghetto Batman.
Nowadays, people expect a little bit more creativity from your costume. It’s probably from the growing trend of adults taking over the holiday. Besides the ever popular adult costumes of slut Red Riding Hood, slut Bumble Bee, slut Cinderella, and slut Obama, people are always looking for the next great and big thing.
The last couple of years have brought the group Halloween costume to the forefront of the festivities.
It’s not an easy task to accomplish. First, you have to find a group of your friends willing to participate. Then you all have to agree on a theme.
Lastly, they all have to show up.
This makes the group Halloween costume even more impressive than it already is…if you really think about it.
Anyway…
Happy Saturday!
1. Human Beer Pong
List of X: The woman on the right suddenly realized that her cup is filled with ice.
Omawarisan: I can’t think of anything. It’s just that I can’t get past how that works out at a urinal.
Calahan: Moments later, the red cups ran into a group of tobacco-spitting rednecks. Things got ugly. And drippy.
Ned: I’ll bet $100 every one of them will be leaving the party solo…
2. They Could Have Picked A Better Beer
List of X: By the look on their faces, it looks like these bottles are actually filled with vodka.
Omawarisan: This is something they’re proud of? I wore one of those hats to a Devo concert in ’82. It wasn’t a good idea then either.
Calahan: When you come up with such an amazing costume such as this, definitely commemorate with a photo because, let’s be honest, no one is going to believe the sheer genius of it all. Next year, it’s ghosts made from bed sheets!
Ned: Being new to east L.A., the group didn’t realize the danger and was later mugged by a six-pack of Corona.
3. These Are The People In Your Lego Neighborhood
List of X: I wonder what happens if these Lego people accidentally step on a Lego piece with a bare foot? Do they get stuck?
Omawarisan: Oh, snap. Is there a comma in oh snap?
Calahan: They’re the Village People of Legoland!
Ned: I just noticed their hands are the perfect circumference for holding a beer. Because that’s what’s important here.
4. Tetris Pieces Trying To Find A Parking Space
List of X: I just want to put them all together in a row and make them disappear.
Omawarisan: No, no, no! One T upside down, the other right side up. They mesh perfectly. That blockhead in the middle has it all jacked up.
Calahan: Goddammit. Now I have the Tetris song stuck in my head.
Ned: I’m not much good at Rubik’s Cubes, but I’m pretty sure if they make a square someone’s face is going to be lined up with someone else’s hole.
5. Soon That Baby Will Be No Smores
List of X: Uh-oh, I think your marshmallow just melted.
Omawarisan: Oh yeah, good idea. Toddlers love having their ability to walk messed up. Maybe they could tie his shoelaces together too. That kid is in tears by the second house.
Calahan: Throwing the baby onto a fire is definitely less complicated than using any birth control initially.
Ned: When explaining the “Birds and Bees” to your daughter, it’s best to keep it simple and avoid the “Two Graham Crackers Got Together and Made ‘Smore” approach.
6. Excellent Screen Placement
List of X: Ok, now THAT explains the line in front of the Apple store.
Omawarisan: If those skirts were any shorter you could see their usb connectors…if you know what I’m sayin’, and I think you do.
Calahan: “Hurry up and take the picture. The guy’s are gonna be here soon. They’re dressing up as Bud Light.” “You mean Buzz Lightyear, don’t you, Sharon?”
Ned: The location of the “play” button seems suspect…
Chris: Flying Shark!
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