Image courtesy of Evgeni Dinev
As many of you know, I miscarried a baby at 20 weeks gestation. It was a real game changer for me and our family really. I’m so beyond elated that we went on to have our youngest 3 years ago and I am in a good place in my grief. I’ll never forget what we lost, but it does not consume me. And sometimes things come up that make me keenly aware of what I am missing out on by not being able to raise my angel baby.
Which of course in turn makes me sad and of course makes me think of her more. Today I was shaken back into my loss mom reality a little bit too.
Kindergarten Registration
My angel would be registering for Kindergarten this year! I’ll likely often be reminded of these things as my friends who I was pregnant at the same time go through these things with their children. And no, they shouldn’t stop sharing about these milestones to spare me. I would realize it anyways in the fall when school starts.
I know this is normal because my other loss mom friends have experienced it too. First day of school is hard, last day of school is hard, graduation dates. I’m sure the list goes on and on. When we see kids that would be about the same age as our own it reminds us.
I’m Happy For The Reminders
Celeste lives on in my heart every time I’m reminded of her. I feel closer to her when these things come up. Yes, it hurts, but for me it’s a good hurt. And it prompts things like this where I talk about her and I can get other people talking about her. How do we keep someone we lost to live on in our hearts? By talking about them. By remembering them. I don’t have memories of things my angel said. I have very little memories of her to share. I have shared all of my memories of her so the only thing I have left is remembering where she would be at this time.
It is hard to believe that she would be starting school this year. I wonder if she would like it? I like to think she would have. Riding the bus with her big brother probably would have been so exciting for her. Following in his foot steps.
But it wasn’t meant to be. Instead of registering a child for Kindergarten we are registering a child for preschool this year. And that’s really exciting in and of itself. Hopefully our little guardian angel continues to watch over us. I love these opportunities to feel her around me and to share her with you all.
Are you remembering anyone special today? If so tell me about him/her.
