Ready for my birthday night out, I know I don't look sick right? My ever lasting love for make up saving the day.With every birthday I cannot help think how lucky I am to still be here thanks to my donors. No matter how ill I am right now, without them there would not have been any more days, any more beautiful moments, all the things Iv achieved in these 5 amazing years! I'm so incredibly grateful for that.
Currently my lungs are really struggling. My lung function has been going down and today it was a mere 0.94 litres this is just 24% I have been treated for a possible infection due to some changes on my X-ray, as you may recall I had changes on my CT before now I have these shadowy changes on the X-ray to. I don't know if there the same thing. Iv had over a week of ivs now and things have just gone from bad to really bad. I have had temperature pretty constantly for 4-5 days although they seem to have come down with the help of IV paracetamol being given very regularly. The only problem is... My chest is completely clear so the idea of a infection just doesn't seem right. I have also developed a blood clot in my mid line.
This rate of decline has really scared me and I said to my CF consultant today as I'm currently in Exeter hospital, that I don't know where this is going but having lost another 11% of lung function over night although my sats are holding there own, if I lose another 11% over night I may wake up barely breathing and that scares me. If this is a acute fixable episode then I need to know that I'm in the right place with the right people who can get me through this. Exeter are the most amazing hospital ever but as they know they are a CF center not a transplant hospital. I'm worried about the possibilities of ending up in ITU but at the same time I need to know that I have that option if it came to it. I don't really have many options left so if there are any that are available to me to get me through this I need to know I'm in the right place to use them. So tomorrow I am being transfered by ambulance to Harefield. I hope all the medications can start to work very soon and before this escalates anymore.
People will tell me to stay positive and I am, I'm positive in that I'm surround by the people I love who are ready to help me fight, if I get weak and tired they will help me stay strong. Remember just because I feel fear does not mean I am not brave, I still feel the fear and face it head on, just because I can see the negative doesn't mean I'm not positive, i still chose to see the positive when surrounded by all the negative. Some days though it's just a little harder to find that one tiny glimmer. But I will.
