Sorry but this is going to be a rant day. I have to get it off my chest. I have to find a way to let somethings (people) go. I need to write about the problem with some friendships.
Let me start by saying I’m no prize friend. I get that. I didn’t get all the ‘best friend’ traits when they were being handed out. I try, but often fail at rising to the expectations of some people. I struggle with my mouth. It gets me in all kinds of trouble but my brain isn’t capable of stopping itself sometimes. I try to be there for people, help when I know I’m needed and I want to always be there for the laughs and the tears.
I also want to be that friend that grows with you in the friendship. Not the one that has to walk away. But if my sanity depends on it, I will be the one to walk away. I’m getting too old for the bullshit in relationships.
I can’t read anyone’s mind. I depend on my friends to actually tell me if I pissed them off or said something stupid. And I’ll own it. But I expect my friends to do the same. I hate games. Unless it’s Candy Crush or Scrabble. Then I’m your girl. But head games and heart games are best left for the middle school playground. If you haven’t learned how to sit down with a friend, explain why you are upset, and work to make the relationship better, then maybe I have you all wrong.
If you know me, really know me, you know I would never intentionally try to hurt, stab in the back, degrade or be nasty to you. I have no problem with confrontation. But relationships are not real unless you can talk it out and trust each other with your lives.
I feel like if you don’t have the time to invest in the friendship, then you don’t want said friendship. That’s ok. I get it. But when I hear other women talk about their friendships and how so-and-so stabbed them in the back or they don’t know why so-and-so won’t talk to them, I feel for that person. I think we have all been there. But it takes some f’ng communication.
This past year I have worked on myself to be at better person. It takes effort, time and tears. I’m not there yet but I will always keep trying. I have checked on my strong friends, reached out to friends that I know are hurting or I feel like they might be. I’m here and my house is open if you need to vent, cry, laugh, drink a cocktail or need help in any private investigative work. I’m your ride or die. But if you don’t need me, want me, like me, at least tell me why so I can grow.
Sorry if this was a little out of character for my posts but it needed to be typed out and put out for the world so I can feel better about getting it off my chest. We ALL have feelings. All of us. Some of us just forget that part in friendships. I hope you all can do the same and check in on yourself and your friends. Just remember, if you are sad over a failing friendship, you’ve tried to reach out to no avail, you are not a bad person. The other person is just not ready for you. And that’s ok.
End of Rant. Here’s a meme:
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