Family Magazine

The One and Only Way to Find True Love

By Shaybanks @dnceluv

The One and Only Way to Find True Love“Act like a prize and you’ll make him a believer.” ~Sherry Argov

I’m amazed (sometimes annoyed) at how many women play down their greatness. Whether it’s at work or in their relationships, women have been conditioned to “lay low” or “make nice.” The problem with that is, playing nice usually gets you ran over. And in relationship speak, “laying low” leaves you either in a bad relationship or single and unable to mingle.

What does “laying low” look like?

  • Being available for him after he’s mistreated or disrespected you.
  • Refusing to voice your own opinion for fear that he’ll leave you.
  • Being scared to say “no” and mean it.
  • Driving to his place in the middle of the night OR at his convenience.
  • Accepting last minute dates.
  • Giving up your life once you’re in a relationship.
  • Being afraid to banter with him because you’re scared he’ll be turned off.
  • Fearing he’ll think you’re difficult if you stick to your guns.
  • Giving him more time, effort, & energy while he gives absolutely nothing.
  • Doing things you’re uncomfortable with to appease him.

I understand why some women “make nice”: they don’t want to lose their man. However, not wanting to lose someone is a telltale sign that you’ve lost the most important asset of all: yourself.

You are your most important asset. You’re an incredibly valuable person. You’re worth your weight in gold. You’re just simply, awesome.

Yea I know, he’s great and the best man you’ve ever met and yadi yadi ya. But you’re pretty damn wonderful too.

And if you don’t believe that, you’re becoming your biggest enemy.


You see, when Dr. Phil said “you teach people how to treat you,” he was right. Everything that is going on in your relationship (or lack of one) is connected to your view of yourself. If you don’t feel good about you, then NO man, I don’t care how fine or successful or educated he is, can convince you that you’re worthy of love.

So if you’ve found yourself stuck in a relationship that is not supporting you OR every guy you date rejects you, it’s time to take a step back. Look at yourself as a person rather than through the lens of your marital status.

What qualities do you have the make people want to be around you? What nice things have people said about you? What conflict or struggle have you overcome? What kind or courageous acts have you done? What 20 things have you completed today despite the fact that you were sad/mad/depresses/disappointed/crazed-beyond-belief? How have you helped someone recently?  

You’re stronger than you know. You’re more lovable than you know. Without overcompensating, you’re still worthy of the best possible loving relationship. But if you don’t believe it, neither will any man you attract.

True love starts with you, honey.


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