Diaries Magazine

The Next…Next Step

By Pearlmacek

The Next…Next StepI have been back in Paris for a little over a week now after visiting my mom and dad in Nevis. I had a great time with them. It wasn’t all easy; we had moments of misunderstanding but upon leaving, I felt that we had all gained a certain level of respect for each other’s decisions in life which was great and huge relief.

The plan was to come back to Paris and look for a job in communications. If nothing came up, to head back to the States. My mother and father could not really understand why I left the States in the first place, after all, I knew that I could stay and work at the radio station but that would have also have meant finding a part-time job in order to finance my stay as well as buying a car. I also wanted to exhaust my options elsewhere before I settled for something that I knew would be there for me whenever I wanted it.

Of course writing about it now, I have these ideas perfectly organized but before, I couldn’t quite put it as eloquently and so, caused myself and others a lot of confusion and stress.

So my parents didn’t quite understand my motives for coming back to Paris, but I felt like I needed to. I had left Paris with a sour taste in my mouth before and now I wanted to see if I could make another go of it. Not to feel like a failure when it comes to this city.

My boyfriend has his business here, his family lives here and he most definitely had to come back before any big move so it felt right to come back and make sure that I truly had exhausted all options……

….And now I think I have. I have applied to jobs, emailed my contacts with no luck in finding anything so now its time to do the big move. The move to NYC.

I have applied to Columbia’s School of Journalism as well as CUNY’s in New York and BU in Boston. Before, I thought it might be wiser to wait until I had heard from these schools as to whether I had gotten in or not, before I made my decision. But I am tired of waiting. It seems this past year I have been waiting for something; waiting to see if I would like Paris, waiting to see what school will pick me, waiting to see if things will change. So now I am going to change it for myself.

I made up my mind that I will leave Paris in early March for New York. Barney has his jobs that he needs to wrap up. We have already redone the apartment here so it can be rented out, things will slowly fall into place.

For Barney this is a big move. A move not for himself but for me and I appreciate that so much. Without him, I would have a hard time fulfilling this dream of mine.

So the decision has been made and I feel much better about everything. I feel I have an immediate, tangible goal to work towards and it makes me so much happier. When I was in New York City last, something just felt right about being there. Maybe it was because I wanted to feel it, but something told me I was in the right place. I felt happy and comfortable.

So now it is time to take the bull by the horns and go for it. No more waiting. I am going out on a limb here- hoping that one of these two schools accepts me but sometimes you just need to believe that everything will work out and that your hopes and dreams will come true.

…maybe one of my birthday resolutions be to strive to become a perpetual optimist….

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